


Let it Be Me

by HarpforHim



Series: The Rex Files [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano is a Sibling to the Clones, Anakin Skywalker is Trying, And a truly wicked soul, CC-2224 | Cody is a Good Bro, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 Needs a Hug, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 is a Good Bro, CT-6116 | Kix Needs A Hug, CT-6116 | Kix is So Done, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano Friendship, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, Episode: s04e07 Darkness on Umbara, Episode: s04e10 Carnage of Krell, Gen, Hurt CT-7567 | Rex, Krell is abusive, Nightmares, POV CT-7567 | Rex, Planet Umbara (Star Wars), Post-Episode: s04e07 Darkness on Umbara, Post-Episode: s04e10 Carnage of Krell, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Umbara Arc (Star Wars), Protective Ahsoka Tano, Protective CC-2224 | Cody, Protective CT-7567 | Rex, Sacrificial Rex, Umbara Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Umbara Recovery, Umbara is a Spooky Place (Star Wars), Worried Dogma, anakin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:22:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27304090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarpforHim/pseuds/HarpforHim
Summary: If Krell needed someone to yell at, fine. If he wanted someone to push around, so be it. Rex wouldn’t complain. But he sure as the Seven Corellian Hells wasn’t going to let any of his brothers be that someone.(Or, Umbara redone and extended. Based off of a story I wrote for Whumptober called “Bent to Near Broken.”)
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CC-3636 | Wolffe, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-6116 | Kix & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-7576 | Rex & CC-3636 | Wolffe, Dogma & CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555, Dogma & CT-5385 | Tup, Dogma & CT-7567 | Rex, Plo Koon & CC-3636 | Wolffe
Series: The Rex Files [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972765
Comments: 88
Kudos: 274





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote my extended Umbara scene titled "Bent to Near Broken," someone suggested in the comments that I do more of the Umbara Arc or follow through to the end and after. So, here I am! The story begins a few chapters before "Bent to Near Broken" and the story will continue hopefully until after the arc. Enjoy my extended, altered version of Umbara!
> 
> Note: Some of the dialogue was taken directly from the Umbara episodes. I own nothing but my imagination.
> 
> Another Note: In this version, Krell is both emotionally and physically abusive. If that triggers you, please be careful and use caution when reading.

General Pong Krell was dangerous, that much was clear. What wasn't as clear was exactly _how_ dangerous…

And it was something Rex was certain he never wanted to find out.

The Jedi general's plans were reckless to the point of suicidal; he had no respect for the soldiers who so dedicatedly served under him; and it was no secret that his dislike for clones stretched far below the surface.

Some might even call it hatred.

And it was tearing them all apart.

General Krell didn't listen to Rex the way General Skywalker did, that was also painfully clear, dismissing most of his ideas as irrelevant or insignificant. Seeing he had no control over the planning aspect of the battle, Rex came to realize the very best he could do was try to protect as many of his men as he could.

Protect them from the relentless Umbarans.

Protect them from Krell.

Because they were _his_ men, not Krell's. The intimidating Besalisk might be the general, but Captain Rex was the only one on that dark planet of chaos worth looking up to, not Krell.

Never Krell…

And Fives, they looked to him for direction too, despite his lack of high rank.

_Fives…_

One of these days, the ARC trooper's boldness was going to get him in more trouble than Rex could handle.

Heart still racing after the unexpected attack from the shadow warriors of Umbara, Rex holstered his blaster as he watched the general shove his way through the line of troopers, knocking to the side any in his path.

"CT-7567!" Krell shouted as she pushed Fives out of the way with one of his four well-muscled arms. "Do you have a malfunction in your design?"

And that was another thing that rubbed Rex the wrong way: Krell treated them all as if they were merely organic droids. It gave Rex flashbacks of the Kaminoans and he was reminded why he'd been so glad to finally ship off that chilly, wet planet.

"You've pulled your forces back from taking the capital city!" Krell's rage was palpable and only seemed to escalate further with each passing second. Rex held his breath. "The enemy now has control of our route."

_You don't say…_

Rex caught sight of Fives hovering behind the general, fists curling into tight, trembling balls. Ever so slightly, Rex motioned for the trooper to stand down.

If Krell needed someone to yell at, fine. If he wanted someone to push around, so be it.

Rex wouldn't complain.

But he sure as the Seven Corellian Hells wasn't going to let any of his brothers be that someone.

No, it would be him and him alone.

 _Stay out of this, Fives,_ he pleaded silently as Krell continued his tirade. _Stand_ _ **down.**_

Krell's finger jabbing at his chest plate took Rex by surprise and he had to force his feet not to stumble backwards.

"All because of _your_ _ **failure!**_ "

Fives moved again and Rex shook his head.

But it was no use. It never was…

And now Fives was mouthing off to the general, the very same who'd just very nearly knocked Rex onto the ground.

He had to stop him before… before…

_Before what? What could possibly happen?_

The answer came like a blaster bolt to his heart.

_Anything._

"... In case you haven't noticed," Fives was saying, quickly catching Krell's attention.

_Stop! Just shut it, Fives, before you get us all—_

"Captain Rex just _saved_ this platoon." A wicked grimace took hold of Krell's face as Fives continued. "Surely you _fail_ to recognize _that_."

Now, Krell was turning towards Fives, and Rex found himself aching for that horrible expression to be centered back on himself _._

"ARC-5555," Krell growled, calling his double-bladed lightsaber to his hand with the Force, "stand _down_."

Rex felt his heart skip a beat when one of the blades ignited, casting a sickly green glow on Fives helmet.

_Fives helmet…_

"Sir, yes, sir…" came Fives reluctant mutter, but something kept him from backing away.

It was the same thing that kept Rex rooted to his spot.

Krell's blade.

The blade was inching closer and closer, lowering slowly towards the vulnerable section of neck between helmet and shoulder pad.

_Stop… Why doesn't he_ _**stop?** _

_Why won't he—?_

Rex was moving before he even knew what he was truly doing. All that mattered was stopping that blade before it reached his brother.

All that mattered was _acting_.

Because if he didn't act now, Fives would more than likely walk away with severe burns or a lifelong scar. Neither was a thing Rex was willing to leave to chance.

So, he reached a hand out…

… And latched onto the bottom of Krell's saber before pulling back with no small amount of force.

"Sir," he began, trying hard to keep his voice steady, "if I may address you—"

A burst of pain ruptured his skull as a sudden weight smacked against his helmet, sending him stumbling backwards. For one long, terrifying moment, Rex thought he might hit the ground. Instead, Jesse's strong arms broke his fall, pushing him back to his feet just in time to face their seething general.

Several murmurs rippled through the crowd of troopers and Rex prayed they would go undetected by the giant wall of rage hovering before him.

"How _dare_ you touch this lightsaber!" Krell spat, invading Rex's once personal space. "This is the sacred weapon of the _Jedi_ , not something to be manhandled by some _clone_ who believes himself to be of a higher station than he will ever be capable of achieving!"

Rex fought to quiet the ringing in his ears. "Sir, I don't—"

"Of course, you _don't,_ and you never will."

_What in the stars is he talking about?_

"And that goes for all of you!" Krell went on, raising his voice even louder. "No clone will ever be worthy of handling these weapons, much less even _touching_ them! Am I clear?"

Krell was in his face again and it was all Rex could do not to shrink back.

He noticed Fives had wisely retreated back into the crowd of brothers. _Using his common sense, for once._

"I _said_ ," Krell repeated, now hovering mere millimeters from Rex's helmet, "am I _clear,_ CT-7567?"

Rex swallowed softly. "Perfectly, sir."

"Good." At last, Krell straightened, giving the captain some breathing room. "Now, the march towards the capital will—"

"Sir," Rex cut in before he lost his chance completely, "if I may address your earlier accusation…"

When Krell made no move to stop him, Rex took a breath and continued, keeping his eyes fixed on the general lest he lose his resolve. "I followed your orders…" _Proceed with caution_ , a little voice inside warned. "Even in the face of a plan that was, in my opinion, severely flawed." He took note of the way Krell kept his saber ignited, but there was no going back now.

"A plan that cost us men." Rex could hear his voice begin to raise along with his anger and he ripped off his helmet, finding its confines suffocating to no end. "Not clones. _Men._ As sure as it is my duty to remain loyal to your command, I also have another duty: to _protect_ those men."

As Krell deactivated his weapon and clipped it back onto his belt, there was no trace of his previous hostility, making Rex wonder if he was still talking to the same being.

"You have a spark of tenacity, Captain."

_So, we're back to Captain now?_

"I'll give you that. Now, I know I don't command like the Jedi you're used to serving—certainly not like General Skywalker."

_**Never** _ _like General Skywalker._

"But I have my way. It may be difficult, but these are difficult times." Another finger stabbed in Rex's direction, but this time, it fell short of any actual contact. "And it's proven effective. I suppose your loyalty to your men is to be commended. They seem to admire this. That's important to an effective commander."

_Where is he going with this…?_

Rex felt Jesse move closer, falling just short of standing right beside him.

For a moment, Krell simply studied him, and there wasn't anything Rex wouldn't have given to know what was going on in that twisted mind.

"All right, Captain," he said finally, "your opinion has been noted. Dismissed."

And just like that, it was over. For the time being.

Rex released the breath he was holding as Jesse's whispered voice sounded beside him.

"Are you—?"

And _no,_ they would not be having _that_ conversation.

Slamming his helmet back on in order to conceal any unchecked expressions that might flicker across his face, Rex snapped, "I'm fine." Then sighed heavily. Jesse did _not_ deserve to be on the receiving end of his swirling emotions. "Thanks, by the way."

Jesse just shook his head, disbelief practically bleeding through his own helmet. "He hit you pretty hard with that thing."

And it was then that Rex realized how much of a violent blur the attack had been for him. "What thing?"

Jesse's reply was a hoarse whisper. "The _lightsaber._ "

Rex blinked, banishing any tendrils of shock back down to the depths where he could deal with them later. Or never.

He'd just assumed it had been the general's fist that connected so roughly with his helmet. Not his…

Rex swallowed again.

"I think he almost complimented you." Fives' tone was deceptively calm, any terror hidden beneath a classic blanket of sarcasm, the slight tremble of his gloved hands being the only betrayal of his true feelings.

"Uh," Rex began, trying to wrap his head around everything that had just happened, "it's hard to tell."

"What the heck _was_ that?" Hardcase's familiar tones plunged into the conversation. "General Skywalker and Commander Tano would never—"

"General Krell is _not_ like them, all right?" Rex interjected. "And the sooner you all accept that, the easier things will be."

"Will they, really?" It was Fives' turn to voice his opinion, arms crossed now in what was either an argumentative stance or a preemptive position of defense.

"General Kenobi always lets Cody touch _his_ lightsaber," Fives pressed on.

"That's just because he's constantly losing it," Rex said, though the justification was a weak one.

"So? There's no reason why—"

"Incoming!"

The plasma bomb exploded several feet from Rex and his twin blasters were out and firing before the smoke had cleared.

"We have to hold this position!" He shouted over the comm in his helmet to anyone who was listening.

_We have to hold it. No matter how reckless, no matter how incredibly_ _**stupid** _ _. We have to hold this position!_

But why? Why was General Krell being so reckless with their lives? What was his motive, his reason?

And why did Rex feel like his world might never be the same after this campaign?

With a shiver, he continued his defense against the Umbarans because orders were orders.

Because good soldiers followed orders.

And Rex was a good soldier.

At least, he hoped he was…

He had to be.


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update has been so late! I’ve been super busy with NaNo. ;)

They'd been marching for half a day—at _least._ And it was wearing them all down.

No brother was weak; all had been trained by the very best back on Kamino.

Yes, they'd been trained well.

Yes, they were not weak, no matter what General Krell might want them to believe—and _yes,_ Rex had overheard Krell muttering at tones just loud enough for those nearest him to hear about weak clones who couldn't pull their own weight. That had been after Tup had stumbled, forcing Kix to catch him before his exhausted body hit the ground.

But they were only human in the end.

General Krell just didn't seem to see that. Or didn't _want_ to see it.

To him, they were merely flesh droids.

Rex felt his fist clench as Fives tripped slightly beside him, trying to brush it off as something he meant to do— _"so, don't worry."_

They weren't. They were _human_.

Not machines.

Rex cracked the stiff muscles in his neck. _Machines don't hurt like_ _ **this.**_

When they finally stopped, it wasn't because Krell gave the order. No, it was so they might fend off the newest wave of Umbarans.

"The men are too tired for this!" Kix shouted at Rex before dragging another wound soldier out of the line of fire. "Krell's carelessness is gonna get us all killed!"

Rex simply pursed his lips and aimed truer, shot quicker, and fought harder.

They just had to get through this battle. Then, surely Krell would grant them a short reprieve…

_He has to if he wants to keep his army intact._

His army…

_No._ Rex shot an Umbaran in its long, pale face, instantly downing the villain. _This is General_ _ **Skywalker's**_ _army. It will_ _ **never**_ _be Krell's._

Smoke and fire circled the 501st like a cage, barring them from the world outside the small space they'd backed themselves into.

Rex wondered how long it would take until every last Umbaran had surrendered or been taken out.

And how many men would they lose in the meantime?

Beside him, General Krell stood like a rock. An unmoving, uncaring rock. What irritated Rex the most was that the Jedi wasn't even _trying_ to help defend his men. He just stood there, lightsabers sheathed while Rex and his platoons did all the work.

_A little deflection would be appreciated,_ Rex mentally hissed at the general as he dodged another blaster bolt. _But of course, we wouldn't want to put you out, sir. Or make you uncomfortable._

_Never that._

_So, you just stand there, sir. It's fine._

_It's_ _**just** _ _fine._

Then, General Kenobi had commed, and oh, how Rex had wanted to call out to the Jedi, to beg him to come to the 501st's aid.

Instead, he'd remained silent as the grave Krell was digging for all of them with his flawed leadership skills—as the grave Rex knew _he_ was digging for his men with his inaction. With his _silence_.

Somewhere along the line, the fighting stopped. The troops were given a break.

And Rex found that after hours upon hours of nonstop marching and fighting, he didn't know what to do with it.

Perhaps he should take a page from his vode's book and collapse against the nearest tree. Or maybe help the wounded with Kix.

But he couldn't, he _didn't._ He had to do something, and not just help his men short-term, though Force knows they needed it.

No, he had to do _something._ About Krell, before things got any worse. And he was no Jedi, but he could just sense that things were about to spiral downhill faster than any of them could comprehend.

It was this reasoning that had him sneaking off to a quiet part of the forest, a short distance from their makeshift camp.

His fingers were punching Cody's comm code in on his wrist before his brain could even formulate any real sort of plan.

For what was perhaps the longest moment of Rex's life, the comlink simply beeped as it tried to patch him through to his brother.

_Come on, come on!_

At last, a familiar voice broke through the static.

_"Commander Cody, here."_

_Finally!_

"Cody, it's Rex," he said quickly, trying to keep his voice low despite the fact that he was alone.

He felt Krell's looming presence even when the Besalisk was a mile away.

" _Rex? What is it? What's wrong?"_ Because Cody knew Rex never called in the middle of a battle unless something wasn't right.

"Nothing," Rex lied, pulling the comm closer to his mouth. "Nothing. We're fine."

" _Okay… Then what's the reason for this call? In case you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of a war zone, Captain."_

"Believe me, I've noticed," came Rex's mumbled response. Louder, he said, "I was just wondering…"

" _You were just_ _ **wondering?**_ _"_

"Let me finish, vape it! I don't have much time."

" _Rex, what's going—"_

"Do we have some sort of protocol in place that allows for removing someone from command?"

" _What?"_ There was a pause, though not a very long one. It killed Rex all the same, however, and he found himself tapping his foot on the ground as his eyes darted about for any sign of Krell. _"No, I don't think so… That's never been done before, and if it has, I wouldn't know about it."_

"But you're the _Marshal Commander_ of the GAR! The highest ranking clone of any division! If anyone would know about something like this, it's _you_!"

" _And I'm telling you, there_ _ **is**_ _nothing like this! Nothing that I know of, anyway. I can ask General Kenobi about—"_

Hot anxiety spiked through Rex's veins. "No!" Because if Krell found out… "Uh, no. No, Cody, it's okay. I was just curious."

" _Rex, what's going on?"_

"Nothing. Look, I've gotta go. Good luck, vod."

" _You do, vod'ika."_

_Well, so much for that idea…_

Rex had barely closed the channel when he heard Krell's heavy footsteps march up behind him. Turning, he gave the general his full attention, trying to keep the apprehension out of his voice at the sight of Krell's stormy expression.

"Who were you contacting?"

_What?_ What sort of a question was _that?_

The kind of question Rex had unconsciously been dreading and working to avoid.

A little something inside him warned against telling the truth, and while he couldn't see why—after all, where was the harm in communicating with the other battalions? They were all in this together—Rex found the falsehood slipping easily off his tongue.

"I've been scanning the area for any wounded we might've missed, sir," he answered, standing at attention just like Krell had ordered the day he'd stepped off the ship and into their lives. "I was just contacting Kix, giving him the all clear. Sir."

Krell's eyes squinted as he studied Rex, who did his best to push the confusion from his mind.

General Krell just worked differently than the other Jedi. He was an effective leader and a skilled warrior.

His numbers were good; he'd won many battles.

_Yeah,_ his inner critic whispered, _but don't forget about his infamous casualty counts…_

"You'll do well to know that I don't tolerate lying, Captain. Do you understand?"

Dumbstruck for just a moment, Rex willed his heavy tongue to move. "General…" he began slowly, choosing his words carefully while closing off his mind like General Skywalker had taught him.

"This is not just a war against the Separatists, Rex," he recalled Anakin saying. "While I hope it never comes to it, you'll no doubt come across a Sith or two who might try to use you to gain important Republic information."

"We're trained to withstand torture, sir," he remembered replying. "Don't worry about me."

"I'm not talking about torture, Rex," Anakin had said hesitantly, "though some might try their hand at such tactics in the beginning. No, I'm talking about your mind."

"My… mind, sir?"

"Imagine someone being able to take their hand and force it into your mind in order to pull out whatever information they want."

"That's not the prettiest of pictures."

Anakin had smirked at that. "That's how the Sith use the Force. The only difference is that the hand is invisible and there's no way to block its presence once it's inside your head."

Rex had sat stock still for a moment, imagining what such a horrible scenario might be like for him or one of his brothers.

"So, I'm helpless against it, then?"

At that, Anakin had smiled. "Right now, yes. But, if you're okay with it, I'd like to show you how to have more control over your own mind. To be able to shield yourself against unwelcome advances and close off your thoughts to even the lightest brush of the Force."

And he had, which is perhaps the reason why Krell was now glaring at Rex so intensely.

_But… My training was against the Sith… A Jedi General shouldn't even be_ _**trying** _ _to get into the minds of his men…_

"General," he repeated, "why would I have any reason to lie to you?"

Krell bared his teeth and leaned in closer, violating Rex's once personal space. "Why wouldn't you?"

"S-Sir? I'm sorry, I'm not sure I—"

"I just came from the fallen tree your medic is using as a makeshift medical station," he growled, inching closer still.

Rex couldn't help but take a step back, but as he did so, Krell grabbed his upper arm and held fast, putting a quick stop to his retreat.

"Do not forget, clone, I am a _Jedi_. Now, I will ask you again: who were you contacting?"

Despite the way his heart raced, Rex kept his eyes fixed on Krell. "Commander Cody, sir… of the 212th."

"Kenobi's commander? Why?"

_Is it now a crime to communicate with the other battalions, sir?_ And thankfully, this thought remained just that: a thought and nothing more.

Only, _now_ what was he supposed to say? To tell the truth would be suicide, and Rex had no such death wish.

"I…" He felt the Besalisk's strong fingers tighten around his bicep. "He's my brother, sir. I was just checking in to make sure he was still alive. That's all."

Eyeing him once more, Krell seemed to be determining for himself whether or not Rex was lying.

Finally, the pressure on his arm eased, but the captain no longer had the courage to move his feet. Instead, he continued to lock eyes with the general.

"General Kenobi is very busy with his own battle, as I'm sure you're well aware," Krell began, straightening back into the perfect picture of the Jedi General he'd been when Anakin was still here. "As are we. There is no time for frivolous calls. Not when the enemy airbase has yet to be taken. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly, sir."

"From this point on, calls that have nothing to do with the battle at hand are forbidden."

_What? But he can't—_

"Tell your _brothers_ that before we move out." With one last scrutinizing glare, Krell stalked off to his next victim—most likely Sergeant Appo, who had been following him around with his platoon, which Krell had designated as backup soldiers only.

Rex felt his fingers curl. If only he'd gotten a little more time with Cody, enough time to explain. If only Krell hadn't come when he did.

If only—

"C-Can he d-do that?" Tup's shy voice had Rex whirling around. His little brother stood just a little ways off, his blaster clutched to his chest.

"Tup," Rex said, keeping his tone a perfect blend of gentleness, so as not to frighten the poor private more than he clearly already was, and a stern snap. "How long have you been there?" _Krell could've seen you… how much did you see?_

Tup gulped and tightened his grip on the blaster.

"Tup, how _long_?"

"Y-You were finishing up your call with… with the commander when I came to give you a message from K-Kix."

_Kriff._

To his credit, Rex was able to keep any trace of shock or embarrassment off his face. So, the kid had seen it all…

"C-Can the general do that? Forbid us from talking to our brothers?"

Sighing, Rex slowly approached the shiny. "His reasoning is sound, Tup. This isn't the time or place for frivolous conversation. We have a battle to fight and an airbase to capture."

"But…" Tup's brows furrowed deeply. "Your conversation sounded important."

"It wasn't." Poisoned by his own lie, Rex put a hand on the small of Tup's back and began ushering him gently back towards the others. "General Krell knows what he's doing. We just have to trust him, all right?"

Tup just nodded.

"Good, now, what was the message?"

"The message?"

"You said Kix had a message for me?"

The young trooper's eyes lit up as he remembered his true reason for venturing so far out into the glowing forest, then promptly dimmed when he relayed it to Rex.

"We're running out of supplies." And Rex's heart _sank_. "Hypos, bacta, even bandages. All of it."

So many wounded… Stang, he had never seen so many wounded!

"Well, what does he expect _me_ to do about it?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and Tup started slightly. "Sorry, Tup, I didn't mean it that way." Then, he offered the private a small smile, one he certainly didn't feel. "Tell him not to worry. I'll talk to the general about it."

With a relieved nod, Tup saluted him before scampering off towards the "medical station."

As much as he loathed the thought of speaking with Krell again, Rex knew he had no choice. They needed to do something about this. Either switch tactics that wouldn't allow for so many soldiers to get so horribly wounded, or regroup and try to steal some supplies from the Umbarans.

_You know he's not gonna go for any of those options._ Rex pursed his lips tightly. Krell's favorite tactic involved leaving the wounded behind.

And that wasn't an option for Rex.

_"The general knows what he's doing, Tup."_

_True,_ his critic pressed, _but do_ _ **you**_ _?_

With every tick of his wrist chrono, he grew less and less sure.


	3. Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did this as a one shot for Whumptober 2020. It is the inspiration for this story, so if you think you've already read it sometime before, you probably have. ;) Feel free to skip this chapter if you've already read my one shot titled "Bent to Near Broken." :)
> 
> Also, this time jumps to the last episode in the arc because I didn’t know what to do for the middle without getting redundant and I didn’t want to force anything. So, if anyone had any ideas or any specific things you wanted to see happen in those middle sections of Umbara, just let me know and I’ll put them in. ;)

His helmet trembled beneath his arm. A brief moment of weakness; a luxury he couldn't afford.

Thankfully, the lift was empty. The only one present to witness him falter was Rex himself. So, he tightened his grip and stiffened his stance.

The journey upwards seemed to go on forever, and yet, it still didn't give him enough time to prepare his mind, to steel his soul, to ready himself for the terror that was General Krell.

He wasn't afraid of the Jedi, per se, and he certainly didn't fear anything Krell might do to him personally. No, what scared him the most was what the monster might do to his brothers.

_So many vode left behind… So many wounded, deserted because the general lacks effective leadership skills._

Fives and Jesse had just risked their lives to patch up Krell's already botched mission. And what had Krell done? Thanked them? No. _Never._ He'd _court-martialed_ two of the bravest soldiers Rex had ever known.

And he couldn't help but feel it was all his fault. Somehow, all of this was his fault.

_Because I can't stand up to Krell. I can't do anything short of mutiny to make him see reason. To make him see how deeply he's cutting his men—my **brothers.**_

Now, it was up to Rex to try and fix things, to remedy what damage his compliance had done.

The doors slid open with a sharp hiss and the captain swallowed down his nausea. There was no time for weakness. He had to be strong for Fives, for Jesse. For his men. _His_ men, not Krell's.

As usual, the general's back faced the lift, his large bulk silhouetted against the gaping windows by the glow of the control consoles. Somewhere off in the distance, thunder hammered the cloudy sky, mimicking the erratic beating of Rex's heart.

_You can do this. You **have** to do this._

He could never live with himself if Fives and Jesse were court-martialed. He'd sooner resign from his beautiful GAR himself than subject them to such a fate without doing everything in his power to reverse their undeserved consequences.

"General Krell," Rex began, approaching the Besalisk with a confidence he didn't quite feel. "I respectfully request that you reconsider court-martialing Fives and Jesse."

There. That was as good a start as any.

Now, he just had to wait. And waiting, he'd learned quickly, was the worst part.

One never knew how the general might respond.

Krell's reply was swift and brutal. "The actions of ARC Trooper 5555 and CT-5597 were a clear act of treachery and disregard for my command."

Rex winced despite his initial resolve to keep his reactions in check.

"If punishment is not swift," Krell continued, "their actions may inspire others to follow suit."

"Sir," Rex interjected before the general could go on, "the men are _with_ you. It's just that,"—and oh, how should he phrase this so as not to fan the flames of Krell's anger?—"some of them feel like you are putting their lives in danger… needlessly."

There were so many things he'd wanted to say, an entire argument he'd carefully planned out in his mind hours prior to this meeting.

But Krell opened his mouth once more, forcing Rex to bite his tongue and choke on his next sentence so that the _general_ could speak.

"All the more reason to send a clear message that _I_ am in charge and insubordination will _not_ be tolerated. The truth is…" And Rex suddenly found it difficult to breathe. "These clones have had a difficult time respecting my command since the beginning. I've seen it before. Some clones are just… _defective._ "

Rex forced air into his lungs before he accidentally made himself pass out—though, the prospect of slipping into a soundless black void grew more appealing with each negative word that spewed from Krell's mouth.

_Are you sure you know exactly **who** the defective one here is, sir?_

"They aren't able to succumb to authority." Rex parted his lips to reply, but Krell wasn't done. "You're right, Captain. I don't think I can court-martial them."

Right… So why wasn't Rex feeling relieved?

"It will only be a waste of time." In an instant, Krell had turned on Rex and was now invading his personal space. Again. The captain had to force himself not to take a step back. "And that's something we don't have. I'm afraid they'll need to be disposed of."

While his mind was thoroughly numbed by this declaration, his body was still running on adrenaline. Rex jolted so sharply, it was a wonder he hadn't caught the attention of his brothers manning the consoles.

 _What?_ He couldn't think past his own shock, couldn't process anything. _No…_

_He can't mean—_

Krell's hand was on his shoulder now, gripping tight and merciless. And _stang!_ How Rex hated when the Jedi _touched_ him. _Degraded_ him. Shoved him around like he was a mere droid. Like he was nothing.

"Prepare a squad for execution," Krell commanded, and then he was strolling away as if the matter was settled. As if it were all right and proper.

As if it was _okay._

Now, it was Rex's turn to spin on his heel. "What? B-B-But, sir!" And he cursed himself for stuttering, but he couldn’t kriffing help it. The situation was spinning out of control far too quickly for him to try and fix it again. And he _had_ to _fix it_ again!

"You heard me, Captain!" It was this aggressive growl from Krell that finally succeeded in drawing the attention of the other troopers. Rex vaguely registered their presence out of the corner of his eye. "Have it done _immediately!_ Or I'll do it myself."

Eyes wide with a level of terror he'd never felt before, Rex surged forward.

"Sir! Please, you can't—"

When Krell rounded on him, his own eyes were blazing with fury. "I thought I'd made myself perfectly clear, _CT-7567_. So _why_ do you feel the need to continue voicing your opinions?"

"Sir," Rex tried once more, mentally exhausting himself in an effort to calm down. "Please, reconsider. You can't just throw away good men like that—good _soldiers!_ We need every man we get on this mission and—"

"Those _clones_ ," Krell's snarled, "are traitors. Beyond that, they are expendable. Without them, we still have the numbers necessary to make this a victory. In the end, victory is all that matters."

_But Fives…_

_Jesse…_

As Krell turned towards the lift, Rex saw the lives of his closest brothers slipping through his fingers like sand on Geonosis. And he _hated_ Geonosis.

"General, _please_!" If he sounded desperate, well… Rex was beyond any state of caring right now. This was their last chance. He had to save them because who else would?

 _General Skywalker,_ he realized with a pang. _I bet General Skywalker would be able to save my brothers._

But if his general had only been there in the first place, none of this would be happening. Rex wouldn't be about to lose his blasted mind trying to reason with the one man in that tower who should have been looking out for his troops.

"If you would only reconsider," he went on, following the fleeing general. "I'll do anything, I swear it! Punish me instead. I'm their captain. I'm equally as responsible for their actions—more so, even!"

And then, the general paused, forcing Rex to take a quick step backwards to avoid collision. Because wouldn't _that_ end up being a horrific mess.

"I believe we've already been through that, Captain," came Krell's cold response. "They—and they _alone_ —must atone for their disobedience."

"But with _death_ , sir?"

"Give the order,"—Krell turned his massive body ever-so slowly until his yellow eyes were glaring down at Rex—"or _I **will.**_ "

Never in his life had Rex felt so small, so helpless. Not since Kamino had there been anyone to make him feel so insignificant.

And he would prefer a thousand Nala Se's to one General Krell.

_Fives…_

Refusing to let his shoulders sag, he met the general's gaze. "Sir, please. What can I do to make you reconsider?"

_Jesse…_

He felt his gloved fist clench so tightly that he was sure he would bust a blood vessel.

Silence like none Rex had ever known settled over the room, choking the life out of everyone present. Everyone, that is, except for General Krell.

Who was _grinning_. Why was he _grinning?_

"Beg me, Clone."

And Rex nearly sputtered, catching himself just in time.

His arm tightened against his helmet. _What?_

He opened his mouth, but no words came. Only dust. Dry and suffocating, it turned his tongue to sandpaper. He could barely breathe through it all.

When Rex didn't reply, Krell took a step closer and repeated himself. "Beg me for their lives, CT-7567."

_Isn't that what I've been **doing?**_

" _Now_!" Krell shouted, the veins in his flabby neck bulging.

Rex swallowed, steeling himself against another rising wave of nausea.

"Sir… _General,_ " he began, choosing his words and tone carefully, willing his voice not to shake. "I beg you… _Please_ , recons—"

"On your knees, _Captain,_ " Krell commanded, spitting out the title as if it were the foulest curse imaginable.

And for a moment, Rex couldn't move. He was acutely aware of the other troopers eyes on him, burning holes into his blue-streaked armor.

_You've got to be kriffing kidding me…_

"I _said_ ," Krell repeated, invading Rex's personal space once more, "on. Your. _Knees._ "

And suddenly, Rex felt his body being lowered to the floor, though his mind had yet to catch up with the degrading movement.

Taking one knee didn't seem to satisfy the general and Rex was shoved down the rest of the way.

If it had been anyone else, Rex would have reacted far differently. He wouldn't have caved so easily—but was this really _easy?_ He would have put up more of a fight; tried to reason his way out of it all, respectfully or not so.

But this was _Krell._

Krell, who could put a lightsaber through Rex's chest in a rash moment of unchecked rage, or tear Rex to shreds with his bare hands. All four of them.

Krell, who held the lives of his brothers in the palm of his hand; who was about to throw them away, to squash them as if they meant nothing.

So, when Rex felt his knee pads hit the ground, he knew he would redo this same scene a thousand times over if it meant saving his brothers from death.

"Now," Krell continued in a cruel voice that told Rex he was relishing every minute of this, "if you wish to change my mind, _beg_ me for your friends' lives."

Rex kept his gaze fixed on the ground, not daring to look Krell straight in the eye. Tinges of red crept up his neck as he tried not to think about his men dotting the corners of the room.

What must they be thinking right now?

_What must they be thinking of their captain? Of **me?**_

_This is for Fives and Jesse,_ he reminded himself as he wet his tongue, trying to get it working again. _They can't die. You **can't** let them **die…**_

"P-Please, s-sir…" He began, quickly clearing his throat in an attempt to fix the stutter. " _Please_ , reconsider… Retract your orders, sir. Let them… Let them live. _Please…_ "

And for a single, seemingly endless minute, Rex truly thought the general would change his mind.

_Please…_

When the general finally spoke again, his chilly voice sent shivers down Rex's spine. "Give the order."

"What?" Rex's eyes darted upward, his head jerking back violently. "But I—!"

"Did you really think anything you could say or do would change my mind, _Clone_? You are a slave of the Republic, and as such, it is your duty to do my bidding. Now, _give_ the _order._ "

Rex heard the lift doors swish open; heard the general's heavy footfalls reverberate across the floor, punctuating his heart with each step; heard his stunned brothers slowly go back to their work.

Heard the whispered conversations, whispered comments that they thought were too soft to reach his ears.

He had to get up, _get up!_ But try as he might—and kriff, did he _try_ —he couldn't pull himself up off the floor.

 _Fives…_ He was going to lose Fives.

And Jesse.

And so soon after Echo and Hardcase. Too soon.

They were both going to die.

_Because of me._

_Because I can't stand up to General Kriffing Krell. Because I'm just a weak pawn._

_A weak…_

_And I don't know how to fix it…_

Not for the first time in the past ten minutes, he wished General Skywalker were there.

_The General could help my brothers where I can't._

_And I **can't**._

His heart was so heavy, he thought it might drag his body down the rest of the way. _No. No…_

He _had_ to get up, so with as much dignity as he could muster, Rex pushed himself to his feet.

Keeping his eyes on the lift—he couldn't bear to look at his brothers, not now (though he knew they were looking at _him_ )—Rex strode out of the room, stiff as a rod.

Was he broken now? He couldn't tell, he was too numb. Despair ate at his heart while embarrassment gnawed at his skin.

The lift continued to descend. Down, down, down to the depths of the airbase tower, where the prisoners were held.

 _Prisoners._ Rex tightened his grip around his helmet. _They're kriffing **heroes.**_

He still couldn't tell whether or not Krell had succeeded in breaking him.

And if he wasn't broken yet…

Rex glanced at Fives and Jesse, cut off from the rest of their vode by that awful blue ray shield.

No, he wasn't broken yet…

… But he knew he was about to be completely shattered.


	4. Part IV

Dogma was there, standing like a stone block beside him, his cold gaze fixed on the lift doors.

And for the fifth time since they received the summons, Rex found himself asking _why?_

Why request Dogma's presence as well as his own?

_I'm the captain._ Rex risked a sidelong glance as his irritated brother. _It should just be me. Just_ _ **me**_ _._

But it hadn't only been him, had it? In the beginning, he'd only wanted to protect his brothers from the horrible beast that was Jedi Master Krell.

Then Fives had gotten involved. Then Jesse.

Then Hardcase.

Now, Hardcase was dead and Jesse and Fives' lives still hung in the balance.

And now Dogma was there.

_Dogma._

Despite the cold shoulder the younger trooper had been punishing Rex with ever since the botched execution, Rex still felt the need to protect him from what awaited them on the other side of the lift doors.

The last time he'd ascended the tower, well…

Rex blinked.

He preferred not to relive those particularly shameful moments.

Another glance at Dogma proved the private was still standing there and hadn't vanished into thin air yet as Rex hoped he might before they reached—

The doors slid open with a sharp hiss and Rex failed to suppress his wince. Perhaps Dogma didn't notice…

_Kriff._ The slight flick of his tattooed brow told Rex otherwise. _Kriff…_

Straightening, Rex ignored Dogma and approached Krell, who was busy studying one of the data-holos.

It took everything in him to keep his voice steady. "You wanted us, sir?"

Krell didn't even bother to turn from his work, yet his cold tones still sent shivers down Rex's spine.

"I ordered those clones to be destroyed."

Rex felt Dogma stiffen behind him and he would've given anything for his brother to be standing even the slightest bit further away.

"Sir, with all due respect," Rex began, choosing his words carefully, "Fives and Jesse are _not_ traitors."

"That may be, but orders are _orders_ ," Krell barked.

Rex inhaled deeply. "Yes, sir, but—"

The impact was so sudden, the pain so intense, that he couldn't stop the gasp from escaping his lips.

Nor could he stop his body as it smacked against the floor, or the way it slid across the durasteel towards the now barred lift.

Their now closed-off escape route.

Their _only_ escape route.

_Except the window,_ Rex thought briefly as he pushed himself to his knees. His head rang with a dozen alarm bells, each one screaming at him to stand up, stand up!

It was the shock and pain that kept his knees rooted to the floor.

And the slow trickle of blood that trailed down his cheek and tainted the corner of his lips. Rex knew the second he tasted the metallic ooze just exactly what he'd been struck with.

Because the back of a fist doesn't tear skin quite like the hilt of a lightsaber.

_Get up! Get up!_

He could only imagine Dogma's confusion.

_Up, up,_ _**up!** _

Biting back a grunt, Rex hauled himself to his feet with all the dignitary he could muster. Though his legs shook only for a mere moment, he cursed them for it all the same.

When he glanced up, Krell with towering over him, lightsaber hilt still clenched beneath his meaty fingers.

Rex shifted his gaze to the ground, unable to look any longer at that cruel glare.

"You are making a mistake by crossing me, _clone_."

Dogma felt closer now, and Rex wondered just how far the private had inched in order to be nearer to him.

Eyes locked on the floor, Rex noticed when a single drop of blood splattered against the neat grey tiles.

Something hardened inside him at that moment.

" _You sound just like General Krell."_

He was fed up with this Jedi treating him as if he were no more than a slave of the Republic.

" _I do support it. I do!"_

As if he were simply someone to smack around when he felt like it.

" _We are not a bunch of unthinking_ _ **droids**_ _!"_

And Rex was done playing the part of a droid.

He clenched a fist.

Then, he locked eyes with Krell.

And this time, he didn't look away.

"It's Captain," he ground out, mirroring Krell's intense expression. " _Sir_."

A low growl rumbled in Krell's throat, but Rex was determined to stand his ground.

There would be no more blind following; no more forced compliance.

No _more._

Rex straightened, pulling himself up until their faces were mere inches from each other.

And for a moment, Rex thought Krell might bite his head right off. He wondered what that would feel like…

"General!" One of the brothers at a console across the room. Neither Captain nor General broke eye contact. "There's an incoming transmission!"

Almost reluctantly, Krell turned away, directing his attention to the patchy message.

"General," the pixelated blue brother began and Rex studied the hologram, "the Umbarans have stepped up their offense! We're holding them off, but their squadrons have ambushed one of our platoons."

A claw gripped at Rex's chest as he wondered which platoon was taken.

Then, a thought struck him, though why he gave it voice, he wasn't sure. He'd already been pushing his luck with Krell, and now here he was, pushing it further.

"But, General, I thought the Umbarans were jamming our transmiss—"

"Did I ask for your opinion, _Captain_?"

Krell was mocking him now, there was no doubt about it, and yet Rex couldn't bring himself to be intimidated.

He _refused_ to be intimidated.

But Dogma…

The private stood stock still behind them.

And he would not jeopardize Dogma's safety just because he felt brave enough to talk back to the general.

"They're seizing weapons and uniforms," the trooper continued. "We believe they may be planning to launch a massive attack."

When the holo-image blinked out, Krell turned on Rex, his tone one of barely restrained rage.

"Looks like you have your stay of execution. For _now_." He forcibly shoved Rex to the side on his way to the lift, but the captain refused to stumble. "Lock the traitors in the brig and prepare your platoons to move out immediately."

With a nod at Dogma, who was doing his best to mask any fear and confusion he might be feeling, Rex followed Krell into the lift.

"We need to preempt the enemy by hitting them now with everything we've got," Krell went on as the doors hissed shut. He barely spared the two troopers a half-glance, so fixated was he on the sound of his own voice. "We're finally going to take the capitol."

Positioned just slightly behind the general, Rex caught the look Dogma flashed him… He simply refused to acknowledge it.

" _What the kriff was that?"_ It seemed to say, but Rex was in no mood to try to explain away the abuse Dogma had just witnessed.

With a tight hand gesture, Rex made it clear that this was a conversation meant for a later time.

_Or never._

_Never is good._

"And Captain." Krell was addressing him now, but Rex didn't bother to snap to attention. His head still spun and he didn't quite feel like snapping into anything. "Make sure your troops are aware that the enemy might disguise themselves as clones to try to trick us."

_Us._ Rex nearly choked on the bitter laugh caught in his throat. _Sure._

_They_ would do all the fighting while General Krell sat on the sidelines a good distance away from the action.

"I will, sir," Rex replied, hoping to pacify the Jedi for the time being.

When he glanced at Dogma again, the private was studying him intensely.

Rex just shook his head. A warning.

_Don't ask._

_Don't speak._

_Don't—_

Dogma raised a brow, and was that concern in his eyes? Worry…?

_Don't upset him._

_Don't…_

_Just_ _**don't.** _

"I don't like this," Rex couldn't help but whisper as they exited the lift, Krell being out of earshot for the moment. He found himself wishing it was Fives beside him instead of Dogma.

Because he could talk to Fives.

Fives would understand.

Fives would know what to do.

But Fives wouldn't have gotten a mere bash to the temple.

Fives and his salty tongue would've gotten them both thrown out the window.

"Our transmissions were jammed," Rex quietly pressed. "The Umbarans… They…" He shook his head and instantly regretted it.

Dogma must've noticed his wince because he whispered, "Are… Are you all right?"

"Eh," Rex replied with a shrug. "I'll be fine."

"You don't _look_ fine."

"Looking and feeling are two very different things, Dogma," he hissed, reaching for the helmet tucked tightly beneath his arm. Softening slightly—because his pounding headache wasn't Dogma's fault—Rex flashed a slightly pleading look his way. "Just… Don't tell Kix, okay?"

Dogma just nodded dumbly.

With his helmet now firmly lodged on his head, Rex felt safer. Not completely safe, but saf _er_.

And he was hidden. All that had transpired in the tower was hidden behind his mask of war.

Hidden from Kix.

Hidden from his men.

Hidden from _himself._

Because with the mask on, the blood would eventually harden in place.

With the mask on, he could forget all that had transpired. The pain, the indignity, the breach of army protocol.

And the pounding could be a mere figment of his imagination.

His vivid, tortured imagination.


	5. Part V

" _They're clones! They're_ _ **all**_ _clones!"_

Silence.

Head buried in his hands, Rex tried not to suffocate in the _silence._

Not to choke on his own blindness.

Not to explode with the blinding _rage_ that coursed through his veins.

" _They're_ _ **clones!**_ _"_

_Clones…_

His chest continued to restrict mercilessly, but Rex made no move to fix it; no move to _breathe_.

Because he _couldn't_ breathe. Couldn't draw a proper breath under the weight of what he'd done.

"Captain!"

Someone was trying to communicate with him, but Rex couldn't make his tongue move.

"Captain, look at me… _Rex!_ "

He needed air. He was going to die without it.

But his breaths came out in short, strangled gasps, which weren't nearly enough to fill his screaming lungs.

" _Rex_!"

He pressed his palms further into his eyes, grinding his fingers against his forehead as if the motion would lessen the pain.

His head still ached from his run-in with the lightsaber hilt, but now a new pain had been added to the mix.

The pain of betrayal, of needless sacrifice.

"Rex!" That was Kix. It was always Kix. "Rex, you need to look at me right _now!_ Do you hear? You need to breathe!"

But he couldn't. And oh, how he'd tried!

"I can't…" he croaked, and the sentence ended there. He didn't have the breath support to say anything more.

He was going to suffocate in the silence, he just knew it. He was going to be crushed beneath the weight of his failure.

And he _had_ failed.

Failed his men, failed his brothers.

Failed everyone.

"Rex!" He felt Kix's hands on his own, and then the medic was _pulling_. PullingRex's palms off his face.

When Kix bit out a curse, Rex realized he never should've taken off his helmet.

"What the kriff happened to you…?" Seeming to catch himself, the medic gripped Rex's hand in his own and placed the other on Rex's chest. "You need to breathe, okay? Breathe with me. In, out. In, out. In…"

_Inhale, exhale._

_Inhale, exhale…_

Several sharp gasps, a cough, and a splutter later, Rex was breathing again.

Any relief he drew from the action was squashed by the sudden weight of their situation.

He had to get up. Had to see to his men.

He had to motivate them, _help_ them.

Guide them.

But who was going to guide him? Who do you go to when you're at the top?

_Certainly not Krell._

"Rex…?"

And just like that, the two brothers finally made eye contact.

"I'm…" Rex sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. " _Sorry,_ Kix. For all this. I'm so—"

"Shut up," Kix whispered, his voice choked with emotion for the brothers that would never fight again. For the wounded he'd been forced to leave behind.

For the brother kneeling before him now and all the pain he was inflicting on himself.

"You just stop that right now, all right?" Kix pressed on and Rex watched him blinked back tears. "You don't get to blame yourself for this. _No one_ is to blame for this. Except—"

Rex's reply came out as more of a growl than he would've liked. "General _Krell_."

Kix simply nodded.

"The only question now is: _why?_ "

"Who knows?"

"I wish I did," Rex muttered, pressing a fist into the ground as he studied his knee pads.

And then Kix finally broached the question Rex had been hoping to avoid at all costs. "What happened to your face?"

"This is a war, Kix."

"Yeah, but you're a soldier with armor and a helmet. So, how'd that happen?"

Rex bit down on his tongue.

"It wasn't there during the exec—" Now it was Kix's turn to suck in a breath, reminding them both of how their brothers had almost died—by their hands. "Well, it wasn't there earlier."

"In case you haven't noticed, we just fought a battle," Rex retorted, moving to stand.

Kix's restraining arm kept him from getting any farther than a crouch. Slowly, and under the medic's intense stare, Rex lowered himself back down on his knees.

"Rex, as your medic, I need to know."

"Trust me," Rex muttered, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground. "It's better if you don't."

" _Rex…_ "

"There's nothing to tell, all right? And besides,"—This time, he rose to his feet with an ease he didn't feel, wrenching out of Kix's vice-like grip—"there are a lot of confused and hurting brothers out there who need our help. There'll be time for this later, but not now. Not when…"

_Not when my selective blindness and compliance made us shoot at our own brothers…_

Rex shook his head, hoping to clear it but only managing to worsen his headache.

"So, you _will_ tell me about it later then, right?" Kid was standing now, looking his would-be patient square in the eyes.

A sigh brushed past Rex's lips.

"Yeah. If we ever get around to it."

"Oh, believe me," Kix replied, crossing his arms, "we will."

And Rex didn't doubt the truth of those words.

* * *

Rex had explicitly told him _not_ to tell Kix. Some might even have considered it an order.

Dogma certainly did.

But the captain never said anything about what to do should Kix actively seek him out and launch headfirst into an interrogation.

They were all milling about when he was found by the medic, who was making his rounds checking on the wounded.

"Any injuries to report?" Kix asked, a well-rehearsed line the medic had no doubt asked over a dozen troopers within the last ten minutes.

The last ten minutes of confusion.

Of uncertainty and guilt.

Of agony and self-hatred.

_Brothers… We were killing_ _**brothers…** _

Dogma straightened his stance. "None, sir."

"For the last time, Dogma," Kix said with a sigh as he began scanning the private. "You don't have to call me that. I don't hold an official high rank. I'm just a medic."

"I'm sure you're higher up than I am, sir."

Kix rolled his eyes before checking his scanner results. "Whatever."

If Dogma was any less a soldier, any less self-disciplined, he would've returned the gesture with one of his own.

"So, what happened to Rex?"

The statement sounded so casual, so normal. As if they all hadn't just been caught in friendly fire.

As if their captain hadn't been the general's personal punching bag since this hellish campaign began.

" _Don't tell Kix…"_

"What do you mean…?"

Kix barely spared him a glance, obviously trying to play it cool, natural.

Because they were merely engaging in medic/patient chatter.

Because this sort of thing happened all the time.

Right…?

And their only job was to follow orders.

Right…?

Not for the first time that evening, Dogma found himself wishing he'd seen more action on the field—been in more battles, seen more planets other than Kamino, and served under more generals—before Umbara.

"His temple. You were with him when he went up to the tower, weren't you?" Now, Kix was eyeing him carefully. Dogma fought not to squirm under the pressure.

" _Don't tell Kix…"_

"It looks like someone laid into it with the wrong end of a blaster."

"Try the wrong end of a lightsaber."

The muttered explanation hadn't been meant to ever have a voice of its own. Yet somehow, the sickening words ended up hanging in the already tense air between the two brothers.

Kix cursed in Mando'a and some other language—if Dogma remembered correctly, General Skywalker was in the process of teaching a few brothers Huttese.

"I knew it," he whispered. "That kriffing barve."

"You can't—!" Dogma bit his tongue as Kix's blazing eyes snapped back onto him. He swallowed down a rising lump in his throat. No use in turning back now. "Don't… Don't tell the captain I told you. Please…? I… I wasn't supposed to… _Kriff_! You weren't supposed to know."

Kix's fiery eyes hardened into stone and Dogma resisted the urge to take a step backward.

"Well, now that I know, someone's gonna pay. I don't exactly know who yet, or when, but someone _will_ pay for this. _That_ , I can promise you."

As he watched the infuriated, protective medic stalk over to the next brother, Dogma couldn't suppress the shiver that shook his spine.

" _Don't tell Kix…"_

He'd just disobeyed a… an indirect order…

And good soldiers followed orders.

_Does that make me a bad soldier…?_

He shivered again. _No. No, I can't be._

He had to be a good soldier.

What was he if not that?

Tup. He needed to find Tup.

He needed a friendly face, a hand to squeeze.

_Good soldiers follow orders._

_And I_ _**am** _ _a good soldier._

_I have to be…_

_I have to be_.

And so, he _would_ be. He would be a good soldier.

No matter what the cost.


	6. Part VI

Rex had often wondered how things that seemed so right always felt wrong.

Like the Clone Wars itself, for example. Fighting for justice, for freedom from Separatist control seemed so right. But losing so many brothers, creating a giant army of identical men… _that_ felt wrong.

Arresting General Krell for maltreatment, manipulation, and treason against the Grand Army of the Republic seemed so _right_.

Shooting the Besalisk in the back felt so incredibly _wrong._

But he had to. If the Umbarans overtook the base, they'd free Krell. And Rex didn't doubt the fallen Jedi would kill each and every one of them if he got the chance.

Rex refused to give him that chance.

He'd already lost too many brothers to this monster.

_No more._

As he drew his blaster, Rex noticed Fives help Dogma out of his cell. Though his uptight brother had gone against his own, he shouldn't be blamed.

Because he'd followed his training.

He'd been the very definition of a "good soldier," by Kaminoan standards.

_He was just as blinded by Krell's protocol as I was._

The only difference was that Rex had ripped his blinds off when Krell had forced him to kill his own brothers.

And he had the feeling Dogma was still trying to scratch his own blinds off under the wake of such a devastating betrayal.

He readied his finger on the trigger. _It shouldn't be this hard._ His entire being was screaming at him to stop, _stop!_

But Krell had been against them since the beginning, just like Fives had said. He'd sabotaged their transmitter, their communications. Tricked them into believing everything he'd done was for the good of the war, the Republic.

_And I didn't listen._

_Why don't I ever_ _**listen?** _

"Turn around," Rex ordered, holding his gun high, "and step towards the wall."

Rather than show the least little bit of fear, Krell had the nerve to roll his eyes as he turned. Slowly. As if he were still the one in control of the situation.

"On your knees." Rex didn't miss the irony of his words, though he'd rather not dwell on the memory of Krell's abuse in the tower, on the humiliation he hoped never to have to endure again.

As Jesse disabled the ray shield—the only thing separating man from monster—Krell had the audacity to laugh.

A sound that grated harshly against Rex's skin.

"You're in a position of power now, clone," Krell began, twisting his head just enough so that Rex could see the corner of his eye. "How does it _feel_?"

But Rex was in no mood for games. He'd only played such games with the general before because he'd had no choice. It'd been him or his brothers.

Now…

Rex tightened his grip on his blaster, bracing himself to throw back in Krell's face the very same words he'd used to shoot Rex down in the tower.

"I said: on. Your. _Knees_."

The short barrel of his blaster was now level with the back of Krell's head and Rex shifted it downward as the Besalisk finally lowered himself to the ground.

"It feels good, doesn't it?" he continued, and Rex wished he would just _shut up!_ "But I can sense your fear."

_Kriffing Jedi._ Rex felt his gaze drift to the side, his mind working at the speed of light to keep Krell out of his head.

"You're shaking."

And only then did Rex notice the way his blaster vibrated, jerking side to side at each tremble of his arm. _No. No!_

"Aren't you?"

_Stop it! Stay out of his head! Stay back!_

But he could feel the Jedi's filthy presence surround his mind, prying at his emotions, tugging at his thoughts.

He had to do this! There was no backing down now. _I have to…_

_I_ _**have** _ _to do this._

"You don't have it in you, _Captain._ " And there it was again. The mocking, the cruelty.

The voice that made Rex feel so grossly insignificant. "You never have."

Rex could practically feel Fives bristle behind him. _Don't listen to him._

But some words never truly leave one's mind, and Rex was sure he'd be fighting against Krell's degradation for a good long while after this.

"It's a wonder Skywalker even allowed you to be put in charge of so many men, seeing how you were so easy to fool."

Rex tightened his grip on the blaster as Fives spluttered in the background.

"Captain Rex is more of a leader than you'll ever—!"

"Fives!" Rex snapped. "Stand down!"

"Yes, sir," came the ARC's grumbled reply.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" Krell pressed. "The Umbarans are getting closer."

And even as he said it, Rex heard the distant explosion grow closer and closer to the airbase.

And Rex hated his own hesitation.

"I… I _have_ to do this," he repeated, this time out loud for all to hear.

Because if he didn't, his brothers would die and the Republic could fall.

"You can't do it, can you?" Krell taunted, the words a low growl in his throat.

Rex felt his gaze drift once again to the floor as he sucked in a breath.

"You're too afraid." And Rex stiffened. "Afraid of what will happen to you if you _murder_ your commanding officer in cold blood." Krell laughed again, a sickening sound that churned Rex's stomach, bringing back all the familiar nausea that accompanied any encounter with the Besalisk. "There will be no trial for you. Surely, you know this."

Ragged was the only word to describe the way Rex was breathing now. _In, out. In, out. In—_

_Kriff._

He was right.

If Rex did this, there would be no mercy.

Because clones weren't legal citizens of the Republic. They held no citizenship, no rights.

No freedom to make a kriffing military decision on their own.

Even though the highest authority present was a traitor to the Republic, the Senate wouldn't see it that way. All they would see was a clone who shot down his general.

A defective soldier who couldn't follow orders.

Rex swallowed.

What would happen to his brothers if he was reconditioned? Or worse: _decommissioned._

Secretly disposed of by the Kaminoans who saw no difference between a clone captain and an R2 unit—but then again, the droid would be more useful to them seeing as it could do things no clone could ever hope to achieve.

_That's where they're wrong._

_We're more than that._

_Much more…_

"Well, I suppose eventually you'll have to do the right thing," Krell drawled, but Rex wasn't listening anymore.

His finger was tightening against the trigger.

_We're not slaves._

_We're_ _**not** _ _droids._

"And when you do—"

_We're_ _**men** _ _._

A shot pierced the tense air and Rex held his breath.

It took him a full ten seconds to realize his blaster wasn't smoking.

_No…_

_Oh,_ _**please** _ _no…_

It was only through sheer adrenaline built up from the events of the past day that he was able to turn around.

And there stood Dogma, blaster in hand, face white as a sheet.

_Oh, Dogma…_

"I… I had to…"

Fives glanced down at his now empty holster and balked, but Rex had a feeling that the ARC hadn't put up much of a fight when his little brother decided to snatch up the blaster.

And shoot Krell right through the skull.

_No, no, no…_

"He…" Dogma continued, and Rex saw Fives put a comforting hand on the private's shoulder. "He betrayed us."

_No…_

_Not Dogma…_

It was the same as if Tup had been the one to pull the trigger. They were both so new, so young, and while Dogma had fought so hard against them all, he didn't deserve what awaited him on the other end of that pulled trigger.

A heavy sigh escaped past Rex's once tightly pursed lips.

_No…_

_It was supposed to be me…_

_Me._

"What…" The tremble in Dogma's voice brought Rex's attention back to the issue at hand. "What's gonna happen to me now?" The kid's eyes were glazed with a fear none of them were prepared to deal with.

And they had locked solely on Rex.

"Captain, what…?"

With all the dignity he could muster, Rex holstered his blaster, meeting Dogma's eyes with what he hoped was at least the tiniest bit of confident reassurance.

The look on Fives face told him he was failing miserably.

"I…" Rex began, trying to keep his voice steady. Trying not to think about Krell's condescending words and how true they were proving to be. "I… I don't…" he swallowed. "I don't know, Dogma. I don't know."

When Dogma looked down, eyes blank, Rex could've kicked himself.

But Dogma wasn't the only lost soul standing on that platform.

"So," and that was Jesse now, who still stood at his post by the controls, "what do we do now?"

_Now?_

Now, Rex wanted more than anything to lie down on his cot in his captain's quarters back on the _Resolute_ and not come out until the next campaign.

He wanted to turn back the clock to where _he_ shot first, before Dogma could even lift a finger.

He wanted the throbbing in his temple to go away, to dissolve instead of worsening with each passing second.

He wanted his brothers to be _safe._

_Echo._

_Hardcase_.

Rex pursed his lips.

_And now Dogma._

But he was still there Captain, unqualified as he may be, and they still had an airbase to defend.

"Fives," he began, still fighting to regain some semblance of control over his own voice, "get ahold of platoons one and three and make sure they have every inch of that perimeter guarded. Jesse, take us up to the main level, then find Sergeant Appo and round up reinforcements for the perimeter team. I want our defense lines at least three troopers thick."

"Yes, sir!" The brothers replied, and within seconds, the lift was taking them up.

"Our main objective is to hold this base until General Kenobi arrives with reinforcements," Rex continued, ignoring the _thwack, thwack, thump_ of his heart against his chest.

"Captain…" Rex couldn't look at Dogma. Not yet. Not now.

He might break if he did.

"What about me?"

Rex swallowed. The moment this was over, Dogma would be taken away, arrested for that single heroic shot.

Simply because he was a clone. Because he'd shot a Jedi.

For the time being, however, Rex decided to keep him close.

Who knew how much longer he'd have to protect his little brother…

"You're coming to the tower with me. We need to get the rest of the communications online. Then, we fight."

Because that's what they were bred to do. The sole reason for their creation.

_And if we survive this last battle…?_

Rex wasn't sure what would happen.

How did one even go about picking up so many shattered pieces?

And Umbara had ground the 501st into _so many_ shattered pieces.


	7. Part VII

"Sir…" Rex could tell Dogma was doing his best not to fidget without even turning around. "Why'd you do it?"

 _The real question here is why_ _ **didn't I**_ _do it?_ Rex thought grimly as he moved to the next screen. _Why didn't I pull the trigger when I had the chance?_

"Do what, Dogma?"

_It was never supposed to be this way._

He heard the young private swallow. "All of it. You just… Back before the mutiny…" And Rex wished he wouldn't call it that. "You just stood there and… and let him hurt you. Why? Why didn't you fight back? I know you could have; I know you _wanted_ to."

 _Yeah…_ He'd wanted to. More than anything he'd wanted to shatter Krell's shin with a sharp kick and give him a solid upperhook.

"Sometimes," Rex began slowly, keeping his eyes fixed on the screen before him, "you have to know the difference between _wanting_ and _doing_."

The following beat of silence nearly choked Rex—because this was _his_ fault. Dogma was going to be taken away and it was all _his fault._

It was the private's next words that finally stole Rex's breath away.

"What was the difference for you, then?"

And for a long moment, Rex wasn't sure how he should reply, if at all. To tell Dogma would be to release his greatest kept secret out into the open.

 _But Dogma's not gonna_ _ **be**_ _here long enough for the secret to spread,_ came his most recent morbid thought.

Rex swallowed. _I owe Dogma that much, at least._

Turning, the captain looked his soldier—his brother—straight in the eyes for the first time since Krell's execution.

"You, Dogma." The kid blinked, clearly confused and more than a little shocked. "You're the difference. You're my responsibility. You and every other brother in Torrent Company are the reason I didn't fight back. And when I finally _did,_ it was only because I had all of you—"

_On my side…_

_Well… Almost all of you._

"Anyway…" Rex moved to go back to his screen. They needed to get all communications online in order to contact the other generals as well as air support.

"Captain!" The hard edge to Dogma's voice made Rex freeze. "Sir, I don't… I never meant to be a burden to you."

"Just because you're my responsibility doesn't mean you're a burden to me. Do you think I'd have done all I did if you were? Do you think I'd care so much? I didn't fight back because I couldn't risk Krell hurting you, too. I couldn't risk putting you in any more danger than we already were. I did it all because—" When his voice broke, Rex couldn't find it in himself to care. "I did it because I _love_ _you_ , Dogma. I love Torrent, I love the vode. That's why I didn't fight back. For me, _that's_ the difference. And I'm so sorry I failed you—"

"No, Rex," Dogma replied firmly, and he didn't miss the way his vod had thrown protocol out the window in order to call him by his name, " _I_ failed _you._ "

"Dogma…"

"No, I did! Every next clone over will tell you that I _did._ And… I'm sorry. I should've stood with you. I was just confused… So confused and torn, and… But I hope… I hope I made up for it—"

Rex could only _guess_ the vast amount of pure shock he'd feel radiating off of Dogma if he were a Jedi. And while he couldn't see into the depths of his little brother's soul with the Force as he flung his arms around his shoulders, Rex _could_ feel the way Dogma tensed, then relaxed a bit.

Then he felt the way Dogma practically _melted_ into his arms.

"You did," came Rex's choked whisper. "And you didn't have to, but you _did_. I'm _so_ proud of you, Dogma."

He felt his vod's arms tighten around his back.

"And if you ever doubted it, I'm sorry, but Dogma, you _are_ a good soldier. No matter what anyone tells you, remember this moment and what I'm saying to you now. You are one of the best soldiers I've ever had the honor to fight alongside."

As Rex felt his eyes moisten, he clung to Dogma all the harder.

Because after this… _Who knows when we'll see each other again?_

And stars… Rex was so kriffing tired of losing his brothers.

* * *

Besides the occasional order, Rex hadn't said much of anything since the arrival of their reinforcements.

And it was making Fives uneasy.

The dried blood caking the side of his brother's head wasn't making things any better.

The 212th boys were flooding the airbase in waves, but General Kenobi and Commander Cody had yet to show. And stang! Fives wished they _would_.

He shot another quick glance at his captain, who stood rigid as a staff beside the recently arrived gunship.

 _Cody can fix this…_ Fives was sure of it.

Because if the commander couldn't, he didn't know who _could_.

It took him several moments to approach his captain, mainly because he wasn't sure what he would say. But he knew he had to say _something_. The emotional hurt Rex had tried to bury was so openly throbbing against his skin, just as that gash on his temple throbbed with physical pain.

He felt the need to say something— _anything_. But what _could_ he say? Nothing that mattered, that was for kriffing sure.

And yet, he couldn't stand the silence. It was suffocating him, tightening its cruel claws around his throat until Fives was certain he would pass out.

In fact, he didn't really know what was holding him up. The adrenaline had long since died and the fighting had drawn to a close. What was to stop him from collapsing right there on the scene? Right there on the dirt-stained pavement.

The answer, he realized, stood before him.

Fives watched Rex take a shuddering breath as Dogma disappeared into the gunship.

But not before nodding one last time at his captain.

When Rex nodded in return, Fives felt a small piece of his heart break. It was true that he and Dogma had never quite gotten along, but to be fair, they hadn't exactly had enough time to get to know one another. And the sight of one of his brothers being hauled away unlocked a special kind of emotion in every clone—one Fives desperately wished he didn't have to deal with right now.

So, with a quiet cough to clear his tightening throat, Fives forced himself to approach his captain.

"General Kenobi's battalions have routed the last holdouts of Umbarans," he began—because it was best to start with something easy, something natural. _Who are we trying to fool? None of this is natural._ Yet, Rex straightened, putting on his military face as he gave his attention over to Fives. "All sectors are now secured. We did it,"—And the sound of his own false cheer churned Fives' stomach—"we took Umbara."

Rex's eyes suddenly drifted off to the side. Fives' stomach flipped, then dropped as he followed the captain's gaze.

Kix and a junior medic carried a brother into the nearest gunship on a stretcher. The injured trooper took breath after shallow breath in a vain attempt to fill his lungs to capacity.

When Rex let out a sigh, Fives stiffened.

"What's the point of all this?" Of all the things Fives had expected him to say, _that_ was not one of them. "I mean… _why?_ "

And how did one respond to _that?_

"I don't know, sir," Fives said quietly, all the false cheer having drained from his voice, replaced only by a heaviness he didn't know if he could bear. Well, not alone, at least. "I don't think anybody knows."

It certainly wasn't the answer Rex was looking for, but it was the best Fives could come up with in the moment.

"But I _do_ know," he went on after Rex's face visibly fell, "that someday this war is gonna end."

_Yeah… Keep it vaguely hopeful…_

"Then what?" To say Fives was startled by this comeback would be the understatement of the millenia. "We're soldiers…" Perhaps it was the sheer exhaustion that drenched his brother's tone, or maybe it was the result of Fives' own weariness… But he could've sworn his captain sounded completely and utterly _defeated_.

And Fives had never heard Rex sound defeated before. Never.

Rex crossed his arms protectively around his chest. "What happens to us then?"

This time, Fives had no words, not even a ghost of a hope to give his brother.

He had _nothing._

Not for the first time, he longed for the presence of his general. _This never would've happened if General Skywalker had been here._ And for a moment, he wasn't sure if he blamed his general or not.

Of course, that was illogical. General Skywalker couldn't have prevented what happened.

_Still, he could've fought harder._

But he hadn't known what Krell was.

 _He grew up in the same temple that raised that monster._ Fives clenched a fist. _How could they not have sensed his duplicity?_

Pushing away his tumultuous thoughts, Fives glanced back at his brother. Rex still stared off into the distance, boots seemingly rooted to that same spot.

And his fingers were flexing. Back and forth. In and out.

With a start, Fives recalled the last time Rex's fingers flexed like that. Kix had diagnosed it as some sort of tick, a result of rising stress.

After the Citadel, Kix had warned Fives and Jesse about this tick. Warned them to watch out for it and to try to bring their captain's anxiety levels down the second they noticed the flexing.

Fives took a cautious step forward. "Sir?"

Rex merely grunted in reply.

"Don't you think it'd be better to wait for General Kenobi inside the base?"

"There's too much to do out here, Fives," Rex said, voice tight.

"Actually, there isn't, really. Rex, why don't we just—"

In seconds, Rex had whirled on his heel, eyes glaring red hot. "I'm not going back in there, Fives, all right? So, just lay off!"

"Whoa! Take it easy!" Fives replied, putting his hands up in defense. "I was only trying to—"

"The last of the wounded have been settled into the gunships." Kix's confident tones were a welcome relief from whatever demon had just possessed his captain. Fives could tell by the look in the medic's eye that he wasn't there simply to report.

"Good." Rex seemed a bit more subdued now, though his eyes still blazed. "We're set to take off as soon as General Kenobi arrives."

Kix nodded, then inclined his head slightly towards the captain's. "You ready to get that checked out?"

As if on instinct, Rex's flexing fingers flew to his temple. "It just needs some bacta. Nothing major."

"Uh huh." Kix crossed his arms. "Have you even seen what it looks like yet?"

"Don't have to." Fives watched as Rex's eyes darted from him to Kix, then back again. "I've gotta go check on Appo. His platoon had the most casualties."

As Rex turned to leave, Kix lifted an arm to stop him, but Fives caught it just in time. At the medic's confused glance, Fives just shook his head.

Together, they stared at their retreating captain.

"Fives!" Kix hissed once Rex was out of earshot. "What—?"

"Just let him go."

"What? Why? He clearly needs medical attention, and maybe a little more than that."

"I agree, but not right now. What he needs is something to do. Something to keep him busy while we wait for General Kenobi and Cody. You saw the flexing?"

Kix nodded and sighed. "That's exactly why I need to check him out. I just don't want him to think he's to blame for all this."

"You know, out of everyone," Fives began, never taking his eyes off his distant captain, "he's the one I blame the least."

"And I don't blame him at all. The question is: does he know that? And will he even believe us if we told him?"

Fives didn't know.

But he had a feeling he wouldn't like the answer when it came to him.


	8. Part VIII

It was getting worse. Everything was getting worse.

The throbbing in his temple had escalated into a loud, hard drumming Rex could barely think beyond; the tight claws grasping at his chest continued to squeeze and constrict.

And the guilt that had plagued him since the first 212th brother he'd shot down under orders froze his veins in solid ice.

So, when the first wave of nausea passed over him, Rex hardly noticed it among everything else.

Cody had arrived with General Kenobi less than twenty minutes ago and Rex had spent most of that time debriefing his commanding officers on the tragedy that had been _Umbara_.

Kenobi, for his part, looked absolutely horrified—and Rex knew him to be one of the most emotionally stable Jedi he'd ever had the pleasure of serving with, besides General Windu. To see such emotions playing out over his face reminded Rex of the gravity of their situation.

Though the immediate danger had passed, there was still a lot to answer for. And he still didn't feel so good…

"I…" Kenobi shook his head, arms crossed tightly about his chest. "I can't believe… Nothing like this should _ever_ have happened."

"It's all right, sir," Rex reassured, and he didn't miss the critical look Cody shot his way.

Kenobi shook his head. "No, it's not. Nothing about this is all right. About this campaign, this _war_. Captain, I know it won't change anything, but I am truly sorry for what went down here."

"Sir, please," Rex said, swallowing hard. "That's not necessary."

"It's more than necessary, Rex, and your troops deserve far more than a simple apology, but I'm afraid that's all I can give you at the moment."

"Actually, sir," Rex began hesitantly, purposely avoiding his ori'vod's eyes, "there is something else you can do."

Kenobi seemed all too eager to comply. "Name it."

"You can get the 501st off this planet." _As soon as possible, General._

A grim smile graced Kenobi's face. "Of course. You all have gone above and beyond your duty as soldiers here. The _Resolute_ is ready and waiting for you just above atmosphere."

Rex nodded, trying not to let his relief bleed off him so openly. Cody already seemed overly suspicious as it is…

"Thank you, sir. I'll inform the men. I expect they'll be ready to depart in ten minutes or less."

"Cody and I can finalize things here. We should be able to meet you all in about a half hour."

"We won't make the jump to hyperspace until the _Negotiator_ is ready, sir."

"Well, we won't take long, then." With a nod of his own, Kenobi went to see after his own troops, to make a full damage assessment.

To clean up after the mess less behind by the 501st.

Rex felt his fingers begin to flex against again and he quickly fisted them. He didn't need to draw Kix's attention again.

Not with Cody watching him like a shriek-hawk.

"I'm not gonna lie," Cody said once the general was out of earshot, "that was the most horrific debrief I've ever heard."

"You have no idea."

"Why don't you enlighten me?"

"I just did."

"No," Cody corrected and Rex tried not to wince, "you just told General Kenobi the statistical version, the impersonal, on-a-need-to-know-basis version." When Rex briefly met his gaze, Cody's eyes softened. "I want to know _your_ version, _your_ side of the story."

"I don't have a side."

"Everyone has a side, Rex. Every single trooper here was personally affected by Krell's treachery in some way or another—"

"You think I don't know that?" Rex snapped, yet Cody simply pressed on as if his brother hadn't said anything at all.

"And I have a feeling you got the worst of it."

"What makes you say that?"

Cody nodded towards Rex's head in the same way Kix had earlier. "You wanna tell me what happened to your head?"

"I was in a battle, Cody. Several, actually. What do you _think_ happened to my head?" Honestly, how many times would he be forced to tell this same story?

Cody's eyes narrowed as he studied Rex. "I _think_ that you're not telling me everything."

"Give the man a prize! Well done, Commander, you guessed it."

"Rex…"

"Did you ever think that maybe there are things I don't want to talk about right now? Things I might not want to talk about _at all_?" And stars! Did his head _hurt!_

"Look, I can't help you if you don't—"

"I don't want your help, all right?" Another wave of nausea grabbed hold of him and he had to steady himself before he continued. "All I want is to get my men off this vaping planet and lie down. Is that too much to ask?"

"Of course not." And Rex hated the concern that began to bubble up in his brother's eyes. "But you need to get that checked out first."

Rex set his jaw. "I'll get to it, but I need to—"

Cody's hands closed around his shoulders as he swayed. "Rex?"

"I'm…" He quickly massaged his forehead with dirty gloved fingers. Only when the world stopped spinning could he speak again. "I'm fine. I'm just… just tired."

" _That's_ the understatement of the century." The next thing Rex knew, he was being guided gently toward the nearest gunship. "All right, I've heard your case. Now it's time for you to listen to mine. You're going to go back to the _Resolute_ and find Coric. He's going to clean your temple and apply some bacta. It's already infected, so don't try to wriggle your way out of this one. After that, you're gonna head to your quarters and wait for me. Then,"—Cody eyed Rex with that old, familiar look that told Rex not to fight it if he knew what was good for him—"we're going to talk."

"Cody, I don't—"

"Just because you don't want my help doesn't mean you don't need it. Now, go on, or it'll be Kix you'll have to deal with instead of Coric. Understand?"

"Sure."

"Good. Now, _go_. I'll be up as soon as I can."

Swallowing a sigh, Rex stepped into the gunship, which was already filled to the brim with weary troopers eager to go home. With what he hoped was a confident nod to his men, Rex slid his helmet on and grabbed a handhold.

For their short ride, at least, he could be invisible, could hide behind his mask and no one would be the wiser.

All the pain, all the humiliation, all the guilt, all of it gone. Hidden away beneath the strong build of a captain.

Because when the men looked at him, they would see their fearless leader, the one who led the charge against Krell. The one who saved them all from certain death.

They'd never see the terrified trooper, the inferior cadet that Rex felt he'd become somewhere along that hellish journey. They'd never see the degraded officer, or the helpless soldier who had so often stood powerless against the four-armed monster they all once called _General._

Rex wouldn't _let_ them see. No. He had an image to uphold, a reputation to keep intact. And when they looked at him, Rex would rather his men see the fearless captain who led his troops in the first mutiny in the history of the 501st.

Not the fallen soldier on his knees begging Krell in vain for the lives of his men.

Because if his men still believed in him, perhaps one day Rex could learn how to believe in himself again, too.

* * *

Anakin felt an unadulterated rage blaze through him before Obi-Wan had even finished his story.

_How dare he._

_How_ _**dare** _ _he!_

He was able to swallow back his anger long enough to form a coherent thought.

"How are they?" Anakin didn't even need to clarify the _Who_.

_How dare he…_

"I'm not going to lie to you, Anakin," the miniature blue hologram of his Master replied. "This hit them pretty hard. We're on our way back to Coruscant now."

"Ahsoka and I will be waiting. Are you sure you don't want—"

"Anakin," Obi-Wan interrupted, his tone bordering on barely restrained exhaustion, "it will not be helpful if you fly all the way out here and have us stop our hyperspace jump. You need to use this time in between to calm down, to center yourself so you can be at your best when we arrive."

"I know." With a sigh, Anakin glanced at the wall chrono. "I just… Kriff, I wish I had been there."

"What did the Chancellor end up needing?"

At this, Anakin's cheeks colored. It had been a stupid request, a trivial need that could've vaping well waited until Anakin finished up the Umbara campaign.

But he wasn't about to tell Obi-Wan that. Revealing the true reason for his sudden departure would be like adding salt to the wound. And if the reason ever happened to become widespread among the troops…

Well, he knew the clones' view of the Chancellor and the Senate was already pretty low to begin with.

Anakin swallowed, purposely avoiding Obi-Wan's transparent eyes. "Uh…"

"It's all right." His old Master's expression was the epitome of understanding, as always. "We can discuss it further when I get back."

"Come back soon, okay?"

A small smile graced Obi-Wan's lips. "I have the Admiral pushing the engines to the max."

"Good. Uh… I'm guessing my boys are on the _Resolute_?"

"And I'm on the _Negotiator_ , yes, Anakin. But Cody is with Rex."

His Master said this as though it was supposed to reassure Anakin, but it only made him more confused. "Rex…?"

Then, it hit him like a ton of durasteel bricks.

Without him and Ahsoka, Rex would've been second-in-command under Krell. _Kriff._

"Yes…" Obi-Wan's minor hesitation chilled him to the bone. "I got a chance to speak with him before he left the planet for the flagship. While he seemed to have his appearance under tight control, his Force-signature was very… _off_. I don't know how to explain it, but it didn't feel right. Also—and I'm only telling you this so that you can be prepared when you see him—there was a sizable gash on the side of his forehead. It was unlike any _battle_ wound I've ever seen and I'm not sure how he could've acquired it during a fight if he had his helmet on."

_How_ _**dare** _ _he…_

Anakin felt his fist tighten. "I swear, if that barve wasn't already dead, I'd—"

Though he didn't finish—how could he in good conscience? Not with Obi-Wan standing there—his Master seemed to get the picture.

"I know, Anakin. For your sake, I'm glad that's already been taken care of. And for the sake of your troops… Please, remember to control your emotions, will you?"

Anakin nodded. "I'll try."

"No, Anakin. You can't _try_ on this one. Not this time. You _must_ be in control of your emotions when you meet your men. They need calm reassurance, not blazing promises of vengeance. Not if you wish them to heal quickly."

"No one just _heals quickly_ after something like this, Master."

"Still…" Obi-Wan's voice was a mere whisper now. "We have to try. For their sake."

_No,_ Anakin thought as his Master closed the comm channel, _we have to_ _ **do**_ _._

_Oh, Rex…_

After several deep breaths, Anakin went to find his Padawan. She needed to be prepared for her troops' return.

_Who am I fooling? No one's ever prepared for this kind of thing._

And not for the first time, he admitted to himself that he had no idea what to do, how to help. _What to say when they get here…_

Because what _do_ you say after a monster like Krell?

After a disaster like Umbara?

And how do you help someone heal when you weren't even there? When your absence was the one thing that caused it all to go wrong in the first place…

_Kriff this. This battle. This war._

_Kriff it all._


	9. Part IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve everyone! I just want to thank you all for the support you’ve given me and this story! I truly hope you enjoy this chapter as it’s your Christmas Eve gift, and tomorrow, I’ll be posting another chapter of No Good in Goodbye! :)  
> Enjoy!

"Yep, it's definitely infected."

Rex resisted the urge to roll his eyes as Kix's gentle hands cleaned the wound on his temple.

"Why didn't you come to me earlier?"

In other words, _"Why did you let it get this bad?"_

_"Why did you do this to yourself?"_

"Well, there wasn't exactly time for it earlier."

What Rex wouldn't have given to be sitting under Coric's easy going gaze instead of Kix's scrutinizing one. But the other medic had been unavailable.

_How convenient._

Kix grunted as he reached for a batca patch. "Still, you've sentenced yourself to a longer healing period. That means more visits to the medbay. And _that_ means more answering to _me._ "

Rex pursed his lips. _So be it._

As long as Kix wasn't asking questions, he was fine.

"I can deal with that."

Kix barked a laugh. "Sure. You can _now._ Just wait until you're on day four of having to listen to me complain about how poorly you take care of yourself."

"Or you could keep the griping to yourself and I won't go to Coric instead."

"Coric has to answer to me, don't forget."

"And you have to answer to _me_. Or did you forget?"

And if it wasn't such a childish gesture, Rex knew the medic would've stuck out his tongue.

"Honestly, Rex," Kix said after a moment, voice adopting a more sober tone, "there's only so much I can give you for the infection. You're still going to feel the effects until the batca starts working."

"That's fine," Rex said as he rose from his chair. _I deserve it._

It was just one more reminder of his failure. He'd failed his brothers, he'd failed Dogma…

Failed General _Skywalker_ because he couldn't take good care of his men while he was away.

Failed Kix, who only ever wanted to save his brothers.

_I should've listened to Fives from the start._

_Why don't I ever_ _**listen** _ _?_

As he reached out to palm the door open, Kix's voice froze him in his tracks.

"I don't recall officially concluding your examination."

_Kriff._

"What else is there to check out?" Rex challenged, keeping his gaze fixed on the door.

"Rex…" He heard Kix sigh. "Look, I think we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. What happened down there happened. Now it's over. Let's all just forget about it, all right?"

"You really believe we can all just _forget_?" Another sigh filled the air, a sign that Kix was trying to rein in his irritated passion. "Okay, you don't want to talk right now. At least let _me_ talk."

Glancing back, Rex felt an exhaustion unlike any he'd experienced on Umbara wash over him. "Kix…"

"No, just… You need to let me say this. Rex, what I said back there. I didn't mean it. I was stressed. Well, you know better than any of us." And what was _that_ supposed to mean…? "I spoke out of anger and…" Kix swallowed. "And fear. And I'm sorry, Rex, if I hurt you."

Kix didn't have to repeat the harsh words uttered that dark day. Rex already knew; already remembered.

_"You sound just like General Krell!"_

Rex forced back the wince that threatened to contort his already tight features. "It's fine."

"No, it's not, and I should never have—"

"Told me the truth?" Rex shook his head. "At least someone did. I just didn't listen. I'm sorry, Kix."

And before the medic could get another word in, Rex palmed the door and made his swift escape from the medbay.

If he walked down the hall fast enough, no one would stop him. No one would think to talk to him.

To apologize like Kix had.

_I'm the one who should be apologizing._ _**Me** _ _._

_Not them._

As he reached the safety of his captain's quarters at last, another thought struck Rex.

When they arrived on Coruscant, he would have to explain his failures to General Skywalker. He would have to give an account of every time he let Krell walk all over the 501st, for every time he didn't listen to Fives when it mattered.

For every trooper killed in action because of his compliance.

Rex shivered as the door slid shut behind him, plunging the room into a welcome void of black.

_He'll understand, won't he?_

Of course… _He'll understand how you got nearly half of his legion killed because you couldn't see anything beyond Krell's protocol._

_I'm sure he'll understand just fine…_

* * *

Kix had dismissed Rex from the medbay not fifteen minutes ago, and still, Cody felt as though he was running behind. His vod'ika needed him badly, and those few minutes were ones he knew he would never get back.

So, he did the one thing he reserved only for ship emergencies.

Cody _ran._

He ran until he reached the small captain's quarters where he desperately hoped Rex was waiting for him.

_Like I told him to, blast it._

Only a moment would pass before Cody discovered if Rex had even listened to his instructions.

_He didn't seem like he was listening to much of anything down there._

But they were in hyperspace now, speeding further and further away from Umbara with each passing second.

_You're going to be okay, Rex,_ Cody silently urged his brother and he punched in the keycode. _I promise._

The room was dark when he entered, but that didn't stop his eyes from immediately locating his brother.

Rex was passed out on the edge of his bunk, fully armored. The steady way his chest rose and fell reassured Cody's initial knee-jerk reaction that something might be wrong.

_But something_ _**is** _ _wrong, isn't it?_

Cody swallowed as he closed the door.

_And I seem to be the only one who can fix it._

_Like always._

_Well, so much for talking._

There was no way in Corellian Hell that Cody was going to wake up his brother. If he'd fallen asleep that quickly, he definitely needed it.

_And much more, but that will have to wait._

And wait, Cody did. What else was there to do? He couldn't leave, Rex might need him.

_Reports!_ He still had his report to write. Wouldn't that be a trip…

But it had to be done.

As he took one more look at his younger brother before dedicating himself to his datapad for the next hour or so, he didn't envy the captain the report _he'd_ have to write when he awoke.

Cody shivered at the thought as he sat down at the small desk. A mind at work was a mind at rest—rest from wayward thoughts and awful memories. So, the commander wasted no time in getting to his report.

No more than fifteen minutes had passed when Cody heard a moan echo through the room.

He sat up, not realizing until that moment that he'd sunk into a deep slouch. And he listened, his gaze never leaving Rex for a second.

Nothing.

The captain merely shifted in his sleep.

After a few minutes, Cody tore his eyes away from his brother and glued them back to his screen.

Another moan had him jolting upright again, and Rex's next words had him sliding out from the clutches of the desk and kneeling at his brother's bedside.

"Sir, please…"

"Rex?"

The captain shifted again, jerking away from Cody's light touch. "Reconsider…"

They were the ramblings of a poor soul caught in a nightmare, and Cody knew his brother was notorious for his night terrors. Though Rex didn't have them very often at all, when he did—usually in the aftermath of a traumatic event—he somehow locked himself into such a dead sleep that it was nearly impossible to wake him up unless he did it himself.

"Rex!" Cody shouted, skipping all the gentle prodding he'd normally do when one of his shinies was having a nightmare. The commander gave his brother a rough shove, but that only seemed to agitate the captain even more.

"General, _please—!_ "

"Rex! Vod, wake up!"

Another moan, louder this time. Cody grabbed his brother by the shoulder guards and gave him a firm shake.

"P-Please, s-sir…" Rex stuttered, eyelids heavy, yet fluttering. Cody wasn't sure if that was due to the shaking or the fact that his vod was waking up. " _Please_ , reconsider…"

"Rex, what are you talking about?" Cody lightly smacked the captain on the face. "Wake up!"

"Retract… Let them…" A groan brushed past Rex's limp lips. "Let them…"

" _Rex_!"

"... live… _Please…_ "

Sucking in a breath, Cody muttered a quick apology to his brother before pulling back his fist and letting loose.

At the dull sound of knuckle hitting jaw, Rex's eyes flew open…

Then his arms flew at Cody, tackling the commander to the ground.

"Rex!" Cody gasped, doing his best to fight off the captain's soldier instincts without hurting him more than he already had. "Rex! Stop, it's me!"

Realized dawned on Rex as bright as a Tatooine sunrise and swiftly backed away from his brother.

"C-Cody?"

"Are you all right?" Cody ventured cautiously. _For the moment, at least?_

"Yeah…" Rex replied after a long few seconds, a hand flying to the bacta patch on his temple. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you need anything?" _Besides the obvious._ "Water? Painkillers?"

Rex shook his head, and for a few moments, they both just sat there. Breathing. Studying each other.

Simply _being_ for a calm, cool moment.

"Do you…" Cody cleared his throat. "Do you want to talk about—"

"No," Rex responded quickly.

Cody raised a brow, but he didn't press the issue.

Rex needed time, he could see that. And he wasn't going to be _that_ kind of brother right now.

The prying, this-is-for-your-own-good brother would come later. Not now, though.

_Not yet._

Even though his skin was practically on fire with the desire to help his vod'ika get through this.

Instead, the silence continued. Cody wanted so desperately to break it, but every comment he thought of seemed utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

What do you say after something like Umbara?

Sure, he was outraged about it all. Of course he was. His heart was hurting, breaking for each and every brother he'd lost to that monster. For Boil, who would never stand beside his best friend again; for Waxer, who'd lost his life so needlessly. But he hadn't been under Krell's command. He'd had General Kenobi to make sense of things for him after the battle.

All Rex had was himself.

After all, who do you go to when you're the one at the top? When your general tries to lead you so far astray?

Who do you go to when you've been so horribly manipulated?

And what do you say to a friend who doesn't want to talk about it?

"Sorry about that," Rex mumbles at last, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor. "I didn't know it was you."

"Who did you think it was?"

Rex's eyes hardened instantly. "No one."

"Rex—"

"It was just a dream, Cody," the captain snapped. "Just forget about it, all right?"

"If you want me to."

"I do."

Cody nodded, tucking the scene away in his mind so he could analyze the nightmare later. Or, at least, his version of the nightmare. It was Rex who held all the defining details. Cody knew he'd only witnessed a small handful of the puzzle pieces.

"All right, then."

Silence.

And Cody _hated_ silence.

For him, it never brought forth anything good.

Silence meant sadness; it meant mourning and loss.

To Cody, silence meant awkwardness and loneliness. It signified the end of something good, something he thought would last longer than it had.

It meant the end.

Silence stood for the things Cody realized he couldn't fix alone.

And Cody _hated_ the silence.

"The 501st," Cody began at last, needing to fill the awful noiseless void with something, "they seem to be doing all right. For now, at least."

"They'll survive." Rex replied dully. "They have to."

"I know. They're strong. Soldiers to the end."

It was the wrong choice of words, Cody realized this too late as Rex stiffened.

"Yeah," was all the reply he received.

"Look, Rex," Cody began, sucking in a breath, "if there's ever anything you need to get off your chest—"

"I thought I made it clear I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm not asking you to. All I'm saying is, I'm here. Whenever you need me. And I'm sorry I wasn't there when…"

There was no reason to remind Rex of the hellish events he'd just suffered through.

"Eh, it's all right," Rex said with a half-hearted shrug. "I'm glad you weren't."

And what was _that_ supposed to mean? The way his vod'ika had mumbled the words made Cody wonder if his ears were even meant to hear them.

_If he didn't want me to hear, he wouldn't have said it at all._

"Rex?"

The captain's facial expression made it clear he hadn't meant for those words to be heard, and now didn't know how to explain them.

_Or he doesn't_ _**want** _ _to explain them._

"Rex?" Cody tried again when his brother's lips remained pursed. He hoped that by keeping his voice calm and soothing, he might coax Rex out of his shell.

Instead, Rex heaved a sigh. "Can we… Can we just sit for now? I don't want… Well, I don't think I _can_ talk about it—or anything—right now."

Cody found his head nodding despite himself.

"Sure. Yeah, of course, Rex."

So, they continued to sit across from each other.

And Cody endured the silence.

For Rex.

Because sometimes, silence was necessary. Sometimes there wasn't any way around it.

But that didn't mean Cody had to like it.


	10. Part X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! Enjoy a little chapter from Anakin’s POV. ;)

Anakin stilled his legs and feet for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. _Calm. Obi-Wan said to be calm…_ Only, he couldn't seem to stop tapping his feet, to keep his legs from flexing or shuffling back and forth. Nervous was not the word he'd use to describe these movements, no matter what his young Padawan might say.

Anxious fit the bill a bit better. As did worried and cautious.

After all, he had some idea of the shape his men would be in when they disembarked, but there was always room for surprises.

And Anakin hated these sorts of surprises.

"It's going to be all right, Master," Ahsoka whispered beside him.

_Will it?_

In his heart, he knew eventually Ahsoka's words would come true. But as he watched the dozens of gunships land at the edge of the hangar, Anakin couldn't seem to keep his chest from constricting.

_Breathe… Breathe…_

But that simple, unconscious task grew difficult as the gunship doors cracked, then slid open entirely.

_Breathe… Brea—_

His eyes scanned the disembarking soldiers for Rex. _Oh, kriff…_ Despite their steady appearance—seasoned troopers back from a victorious campaign—Anakin knew how to read his men better than the average eye.

They stood tall, yet he could see a slight slump in their shoulders. They were confident in their step, yet slow. Weary.

And every last one of them still had their helmets on. With a sharp pang, Anakin recalled a tipsy Jesse confiding in him one night about that particular piece of armor. He'd said something about the helmet protecting him from more than just stray blaster bolts…

The memory had Anakin wondering if Jesse wasn't the only soldier who felt that way. After all, the proof was standing right in front of him.

"Master?" Ahsoka's small voice was the catalyst that finally forced him into action.

_I'm no good to them just standing here like an idiot._

Though his feet moved, his body felt as if it were floating, gliding through the air into a new chapter he wasn't sure he wanted to open yet. _It's now or never…_

_Rex…_ He needed to find Rex. There was Jesse with Fives. By the way they moved their heads, Anakin could tell they had a private conversation going within the safety of their helmets.

Then his eyes fell on Kix, who looked more worse for wear than Anakin had ever seen the medic. And there was Coric, Appo, Checkers, and Tup, all going about their own business—though Tup didn't appear to know exactly what that was. He looked… _lost_. Even with his helmet on, and Anakin's heart went out to the young soldier.

Though there was still no sign of the 501st captain, Anakin knew he had to at least make a start in the right direction and approached the private with the teardrop tattoo.

"General!" Tup was saluting before Anakin had come within six feet of him.

"At ease, Tup. The campaign's over."

"Yes, sir." And while Tup's hand went down, he remained standing at attention.

"I said, at _ease_ ," Anakin pressed with a smile. "That means _relax_."

"Oh. Oh, yes, sir."

Fully aware of the Padawan at his heels, Anakin gestured at Ahsoka, careful to keep his smile in place even though he felt like retching his guts out.

"Could you help Ahsoka spread the word throughout the ranks that I want everyone to go to the rec room, the barracks, or the mess hall to get some well-deserved rest? I'd use my comm, but I don't have it on me."

Tup nodded, his confusion bleeding into his relief. "Of course, sir. But, there's a lot of supplies to unload…"

Anakin waved a dismissive hand. "I'll have that taken care of. For now, I want you to rest. That's an order, private."

Another nod, this one lighter than the first. "Yes, sir!"

"Come on," Ahsoka said with a forced enthusiasm that sounded far more realistic than Anakin's.

Then, they were gone, wasting no time in spreading the word from trooper to trooper and charging each soldier they came across with the same task.

_Now._ Anakin scanned the exhausted crowd once more, using the Force to help him locate his missing captain. _Onto the real battle._

It was only after he'd asked three troopers if they knew the whereabouts of their captain that Anakin found him.

Rex was in the middle of giving out orders, motivating Torrent Company to get the gunships unloaded in a timely manner. And the second Anakin stepped within range of his friend, he felt what Obi-Wan had been trying to explain to him so many hours ago.

The captain's Force-signature was very… _off._

Dangerously so.

To his credit, Rex was playing the part of a well put together very well. Almost too well.

"Rex!" He hailed warmly as he approached the small group of hard working clones. "There you are!"

And to this day, Anakin likes to pretend that Rex most definitely did _not_ stiffen at the sound of his name.

"General," Rex began, turning to join Anakin.

"It's good to see you," Anakin said, smiling.

Rex nodded. "You too, sir."

The silence that followed was the very definition of uncomfortable.

"Look, Rex," Anakin began after clearing his throat, "Obi-Wan filled me in on what happened…"

_And what?_ What else did one say in a situation like this? _Heck if I know._

"It's all right, sir," Rex replied a bit too quickly.

"No, it's _not_. I should've been there. I should've—" Anakin paused and glanced around, now fully aware of the attention he was receiving. Lowering his voice, he focused on Rex. "Is there somewhere else we could talk about this?"

"If that's what you want, sir." And something in Rex's voice told Anakin that it was the opposite of what his captain wanted.

And as badly as he ached to know the gritty details of Umbara, Anakin held his tongue. _This can wait. It can all wait._

Rex needed rest, not an impromptu debriefing session.

_Speaking of which…_

"You know what, that can wait until later. I instructed Tup and Ahsoka to tell the men to go get some rest. Don't worry about all the unpacking," Anakin continued when Rex opened his mouth to protest, "I'll get some else to take care of it. Right now, go do what you want. There's no rush for the debrief. We can get to that later."

"About that, sir," Rex began, a bit of hesitation to his tone as he snatched a datapad out of the pack at his feet. "I actually have my debrief right here."

Blinking, Anakin accepted the offering with the same hesitation Rex had in retrieving it.

"It's all there, sir," Rex continued. "All the details of the campaign from start to finish."

"Uh… I hate to tell you this, Rex, but this is a report, not a debrief."

The captain cocked his head. "Then, I'm reporting by debrief. In written form," he added after a second or two.

"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, Rex."

"Can't there be an exception?" The way his captain's voice came out at that moment cut Anakin's heart in half. "Just this once, sir?"

_Just this once…_

If there was ever a time for a slight breach in protocol, it was now.

The sudden urge to embrace his captain was overwhelming. But he doubted Rex would appreciate such a scene taking place in front of his men. Now more than ever, Rex needed to appear strong and put together.

Not weak as he melted into a heartfelt embrace.

_Admitting you're hurting is_ _ **not**_ _weak,_ Anakin argued with his own mind.

_If that's true, why didn't you accept Obi-Wan's help when your mother died?_

Anakin pushed the thought away with a rough mental shove. _Boring conversation anyway…_

At last, Anakin nodded, tightening his grip on the datapad. "All right. I'll accept this. For now. But we'll still need to talk about this later."

"Understood, sir," Rex said with a tight nod and Anakin felt his stomach flip.

There were so many things he wanted to say, wanted to _know._ And he doubted Rex had put any personal touches in his "written debrief." No, he had full confidence that the report would be very cut and dry. No nonsense, no intimate details, none of the things Anakin really wanted to know.

_But it's a start,_ he realized. _It's definitely a start._

Anakin cleared his throat with an air of finality. "Now, why don't you go get some rest."

"But, sir, there's still—"

"That's an order, Captain." Yet, despite his good-natured tone of voice, Anakin noticed the way Rex stiffened. Again. "And that goes for all of you. This can all be taken care of later."

Several troopers sagged in relief, while others chose to finish their current task before heading out of the hangar.

It wasn't long before only Rex and Anakin were left standing in front of the gunship.

Neither moved at first, Anakin still trying to get a feel for his captain's current mood. His emotions were all over the place, making it difficult for the Jedi to get a reading through the Force.

"Sir," Rex began finally, "I don't see who you're going to get to unload all these supplies with the entire 501st having been dismissed."

"Trust me when I say, don't worry about it, Rex," Anakin said gently. "I'm sure I can scrounge up a few droids to do it."

"Sir, it just doesn't seem—"

" _Rex_ , just _rest_ , okay?"

It took a moment, but Rex finally nodded. "If that's what you want, sir."

"It is. Now, go! Before I drag you off to the barracks myself."

That seemed to do that trick and soon, Anakin found himself staring at the back of the reluctantly retreating trooper.

Just before Rex's slightly slumped frame disappeared completely, Anakin felt Ahsoka come up beside him.

"How is he?" came her small whisper.

Anakin shook his head. "It's bad, Ahsoka. But that doesn't mean it can't ever get better," he added hopefully at the sound of her muted whimper. "Trust me, we're going to help them get better."

_I promise, Rex._

_I promise._


	11. Part XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay with this story! I fully intend to finish it... I've simply been in an Avatar mood lately... XD
> 
> Here’s the recap, since it’s been so long: “Rex, just rest, okay?"
> 
> It took a moment, but Rex finally nodded. "If that's what you want, sir."
> 
> "It is. Now, go! Before I drag you off to the barracks myself."
> 
> That seemed to do that trick and soon, Anakin found himself staring at the back of the reluctantly retreating trooper.
> 
> Just before Rex's slightly slumped frame disappeared completely, Anakin felt Ahsoka come up beside him.
> 
> "How is he?" came her small whisper.
> 
> Anakin shook his head. "It's bad, Ahsoka. But that doesn't mean it can't ever get better," he added hopefully at the sound of her muted whimper. "Trust me, we're going to help them get better."
> 
> I promise, Rex.
> 
> I promise.

Rex was at a loss. After so many days of being pushed so hard, of draining his energy trying to protect his brothers, it felt wrong to be doing _nothing._

But Anakin had ordered him to rest, and rest he would. After he was sure all his brothers had settled in well.

Some of them had served their first mission on Umbara. _What a way to start._ They needed reassurance that the war wasn't always as bad as what happened on that hellish planet. And for some, Umbara was only their second or third campaign.

_Tup._ He needed to find Tup…

He needed to make sure the kid was okay. After all, the rookie had just lost his batchmate and closest friend. _I can't leave him to flounder all alone._

Locating the kid proved to be more difficult than Rex had hoped. He passed by dozens upon dozens of battle weary brothers, each and every one of which broke off a piece of his heart with their slumped shoulders and dragging feet.

He found himself cursing both Krell and himself equally. _How could I not see what he was? How could I let things go that far?_

_It's not like you could've done very much anyway._

Rex clenched his fist, working his legs harder, willing them to go faster, _faster_.

_Tup…_ He needed to find—

And there he was, making his way into the mess hall, squashed between two brothers holding him tight.

Rex's chest was filled with a constricted warmth. Tup was all right for now. He had his brothers.

He didn't need Rex.

_Right. Well._ Now he could follow the general's orders.

_Right._

Turning sharply on his heel, Rex began his retreat to his quarters. He briefly considered seeking out Fives, but that would also mean giving the ARC his apology. _For everything._ And Rex didn't have the strength yet for another emotional conversation.

Not after Anakin.

Oh, there had been so many things he'd wanted to confess to his general. To get down on his knees and beg his forgiveness for losing so many men, for getting caught in Krell's net of lies and treachery.

But _no._ Not down on his knees. Never begging. _Not again. Never again._

An involuntary shiver wracked the captain's frame and he hurried along. The sooner he reached the safety of his quarters, the better.

_Almost…_ He was almost there…

"There you are." Rex froze when he rounded the corner on Jesse and Fives. "Did you get something to eat already?"

Without the helmet, Rex could see the touch of concern on Jesse's face.

An evasive reply was right on the tip of Rex's tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to speak. Every word seemed so insignificant in the grand scheme of it all. He needed to apologize, to explain to these heroic troopers that he hadn't meant for things to go so horribly.

He hadn't meant for Hardcase to be sacrificed so needlessly.

_If Krell had only listened…_

_If_ _**I** _ _had only listened._

_If the Chancellor hadn't taken the general away from us in the first place._

"I don't think anyone's had time to have a proper meal yet," Fives reasoned, saving Rex from having to answer. "We were actually just headed to the mess…"

The unspoken invitation came with the beckoning tilt of Fives' head.

Rex, however, felt it best to ignore the gesture in favor of making a hasty getaway. He needed to be alone. After all, how was he supposed to properly apologize to his brothers if he could barely piece together a cohesive thought?

"I'll be there in a few minutes," Rex said, hoping to pacify them for the time being. "I have a few more things that need to be taken care of first."

"The general ordered everyone to get some rest," Jesse pointed out.

"I know," Rex replied, feet already dragging him further down the hall—further away from his friends. "And I will. There's something I need to do first."

Jesse and Fives exchanged a glance before Fives offered, "Could you use some help? I'm sure whatever it is you're gonna do will get done faster with three—"

"Thank you," Rex brushed him off as he continued to draw further away, "but I'm seconding General Skywalker's order. Go get some rest. I'll join you soon."

"Promise?"

At Fives' voice, Rex paused. It was one thing to beat around the bush, to dance about his problems and pacify others with vague plans for the future. But to _promise…_? To actually swear that he would back his words with action?

Rex realized he couldn't do that to Fives. Not after everything they'd gone through.

_They don't deserve to be deceived by anyone else. Least of all me…_

"You two go on ahead," Rex said after a moment, voice soft because he couldn't seem to raise it any higher. "I'll be along later."

And the way Fives nodded revealed his understanding. The ARC knew the captain's words were empty, yet he was powerless to do anything against them.

_After all,_ Rex reminded himself as he hurried down the hall, _Fives' words held no sway over you on Umbara. So, why would they matter now?_

Rex squeezed his eyes shut.

_No. No!_ No… _They matter. Fives_ _ **matters**_ _._

_So do his opinions, his words._

As Rex palmed open the door, he found himself fighting a battle he never signed up for between his mind and his inner critic.

_Well then,_ the cruel voice whispered, stabbing at Rex's core, _why didn't you listen to him? Why are you_ _ **still**_ _not listening to him?_

_Stop it!_

_If his opinion matters so kriffing much…_

_I said_ _**stop** _ _!_

_Why are you standing here in the dark, alone, while Fives is making his way to the mess? Where he'll be surrounded by brothers on all sides. Now, doesn't that sound nice?_

In one swift motion, Rex yanked his helmet off and sucked in a breath.

_I said…_ Then, he snatched up his comlink _…_ _ **stop**_ _._

When the comm crackled to life, Rex wasted no time on opening exchanges.

"Cody, did you land yet?"

" _Cody?"_ The voice on the other end startled Rex. Though technically of the same timbre, Wolffe's voice was distinctly different from that of the 212th commander.

_Stang!_

The private comm numbers were far too similar to each other, differing only by a single digit.

_"Rex?"_ Well, it was too late to abort now. _"Did you mix up the numbers again?"_

"In my defense, your numbers are almost exactly the same."

Wolffe chuckled. _"Still, you really should have them sorted out by now. How long have we known each other again?"_

"How long have you had a private comlink again?"

_"All right, I'll give you that one. Not everyone gets a private comm channel, but honestly, vod'ika."_

"Well, sorry about the mix up," Rex rushed, trying not to go into panic mode. All he needed was to hang up before his older brother started asking questions. As he wrapped up the call, he cursed the weakness in his voice.

_In my defense…_ Rex shook his head, taking a deep breath. _In my defense, I thought it was Cody._

_And Wolffe's different because…?_

Rex gripped the comlink tighter.

_Because he doesn't know._

_The word Umbara means nothing to him._

_"Rex?"_ Wolffe's voice was concerned now. _"What's going on? Is Cody all right?"_

"What? No, Cody's fine."

_"Then why did you sound so stressed about him landing? Did you guys make it back yet?"_

"Yeah." Rex's mouth dried out faster than he could moisten it again. "Yeah, we're back. Cody's fine. The 212th is just taking their time getting back to headquarters. That's all."

_"Uh huh… Where were you deployed again?"_

Swallowing did nothing to ease the tightness in his throat. If anything, the instinctive action made it worse. "Umbara. Look, I don't want to keep you from your own campaign, so—"

_"The 104th hasn't seen any real action for the better part of the last week."_

_Lucky._

_"We're actually enroute back to Coruscant."_ A laugh crackled over the tiny speaker. _"If Cody keeps dragging his feet, we might even beat him back to headquarters—and he's already planetside!"_

Wolffe's laughter had never been very contagious, so it was no wonder Rex's lips remained pursed.

"You can try, but I expect his gunships to land within the next ten minutes."

_"And we're more than an hour from HQ. Well, it was a thought, at least."_

"Yeah. Well, I'll just be goin—"

_"Rex,"_ —And Wolffe's tone had a gravity Rex hadn't wanted to hear— _"are_ _ **you**_ _all right?"_

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

_"I don't know."_ A beat; Rex held his breath. _"Why wouldn't you be?"_

"Look, Wolffe, I've gotta go. Sorry for the mixup."

_"Eh, don't worry about it. Just take care of yourself until I get back, okay?"_

"Sure."

_"All right. I'll see you soon."_

"Sure…" Rex muttered as the call fizzled out. "Soon."

With a sigh, he collapsed on his bed, his mind going a mile a minute.

Had Anakin read the report yet? If so, what did he think? Would he still make Rex talk about what happened on Umbara? Make him give an oral report?

And what about Wolffe? Had he succeeded in turning his older brother off his scent? Or had he just made Wolffe more suspicious than he was before?

It was all too much to consider, to even comprehend.

_I_ _**have** _ _to do this._

" _You don't have it in you,_ _ **Captain**_ _."_

And there it was again, even after the fallen Jedi was already cold in the ground.

The mocking, the _cruelty_.

That haunting voice that _still_ made Rex feel so grossly insignificant.

" _You never have."_

_Stay out of my head!_

But the words were already taking their effect and he felt his chest constrict.

_Cody._

He needed Cody…

As Rex struggled to breathe, he dialed another number on his comm—the right one, this time.

Only… the number was busy. _Blast it!_

The one time he actually _wanted_ to ask for help, his lifeline was unavailable.

_Great. That's just kriffing_ _**great** _ _._

The longer he waited for Cody to pick up, the harder it became to breathe.

" _It's a wonder Skywalker even allowed you to be put in charge of so many men, seeing how you were so easy to_ _ **fool**_ _."_

Sucking in another strangled breath, Rex abandoned the call and dialed another as fast as his trembling fingers would allow.

"Commander?" he began before she could even speak or confirm her identity.

_"Rex? What's wrong?"_

Of course she would sense his distress instantly, even over a comm call.

"Are you busy?"

_"Not at the moment, no. Why?"_

Rex swallowed and gripped the comm. "I… I need you. Just you… Please?"

Her reply was immediate. _"I'm on my way. Just hold on, okay?"_

He nodded, fully aware that she couldn't actually see him.

_Sure._

_Sure._


	12. Part XII

_"So, what's up with Rex?"_

Cody resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he stepped off the gunship.

"Wolffe, now's not the time."

_"Did you just land?"_

"Wait, how'd you know about that?"

_"Rex commed me instead of you."_

"Again?"

_"Cody,"_ Wolffe's tone was serious now, _"he didn't sound good."_

"We just came back from a battle, what'd you expect?"

_"It was just… weird, all right?"_

_Blast!_

"I'll be sure to check on him, don't worry." Despite his cool facade, Cody's heart was racing. Something must have been very wrong if Rex had tried to contact him so willingly.

" _Cody, what's going on?"_

"Nothing."

Wolffe's voice held a pinched warning _. "Vod…"_

"Honestly, Wolffe, it's nothing. We just got back from a particularly rough campaign, that's all."

" _Really?"_

"Really." A quick glance around revealed all the work he still had left to do before he could even leave the hangar. Cody swallowed down a sigh. "Look, I've gotta go. We just landed and you know how that goes."

" _Sure…"_ Though Wolffe's tone told Cody he was anything _but_. _"Sure, Cody. Just… keep me updated, will you?"_

"I'll do what I can, vod." Only, Umbara wasn't his story to tell. And there was no need to bring Wolffe into its tangled aftermath.

_Not now._

_Not yet._

When the call closed, Cody heaved a sigh. _Great. Just great._

With nimble fingers, he punched in Rex's number, only to find it busy. _What?_

_Okay, okay…_ He sucked in a calming breath, which had no effect on his rising anxiety whatsoever. He dialed again.

Nothing.

_Come on, vod'ika, blast it!_

_**Blast** _ _it!_

"Commander?"

"What?" Cody snapped, spinning on his heel to find Boil looking very confused and a bit hurt. _Boil._

_Waxer…_

The grieving soldier still looked rather sick to his stomach, his face paler than the natural clone trooper hues.

_Oh, vod, I'm so sorry…_

Friendly fire, they'd told him. _Friendly fire, indeed._

_A cruel setup, more like._

Clearing his throat, Cody felt the tips of his ears redden. Here he was, shouting at the last person he'd wanted to show any animosity toward—one of the brothers he'd wanted so desperately to protect.

"Boil, I'm sorry. That was… Uncalled for, to say the least."

Boil's smirk was forced, but Cody would take whatever he could get. "Eh, that's all right. Actually, you sounded a bit like the general right there."

"Well, I'll be sure to tell him you think so."

"Not on your life, vod!"

With a sigh, Cody forced a small grin of his own. "Was there something you needed?"

"I was just wondering when you were gonna kick things off here."

A quick glance around revealed several troopers waiting for instruction.

_Right._

"Where's General Kenobi?"

"Taking care of unloading on the other end of the hangar."

_Right._

It was at times like this that Cody wished he didn't hold such a high rank. _The_ highest a clone could have, according to Obi-Wan.

_What? Did you all forget what to do already?_

But to voice this thought would be to pour salt on an already gaping wound.

Instead, he put on his best command face and began directing his weary troops about the hangar.

Put that there. Hang that over there.

And don't forget to lock that thing up, will you?

Don't put that away yet, but take this and put it… somewhere.

"Somewhere, sir?" the shiny in question repeated, his face no doubt twisted in confusion beneath the helmet.

_No shiny should ever have gone on that mission._

_Umbara should_ _**never** _ _have been any soldier's first campaign._

And yet, it _had_ been _,_ and Cody couldn't turn back time in order to fix it, no matter how badly he wanted to do so.

"Just put it wherever you think you should," he corrected with a reassuring smile.

"Uh… where, sir?"

"Look, just find an empty hole in the wall and stick it there. Honestly, it doesn't matter."

As the shiny _yessir_ ed him and scurried off, Cody noticed Obi-Wan approaching.

"Everything going all right, Commander?"

Despite the Jedi's smile, Cody could tell he was itching to get out of the hangar, to inform the Council of their mission.

To bring healing to his shattered battalion.

Cody could sympathize as the same desires grabbed at his own heart.

"Yes, sir," he replied with all the confidence he didn't feel. "We're just finishing up."

"Good. I just stopped over to see if there was anything I could do to speed the process along. I'd like you all to get some well-earned rest as soon as possible."

"Thank you, General, but I think we're just about done here."

Another satisfied nod, then, Obi-Wan's brows furrowed ever-so-slightly. "I believe I'll see if the Council is ready to meet, then. Last I checked, Masters Yoda and Windu were in a deep conference of their own. My debrief might have to wait…"

"Did you want me to come with you, sir?"

Obi-Wan shook his head, but his expression betrayed his appreciation of the offer. "Thank you, Cody, but I believe a private Council session is in order. I do wish Anakin hadn't been called back here so soon. What could the Chancellor possibly think was more important than—Well," he said, stopping himself before he went too far, Cody figured, "it's not my place to judge."

"It's all right, sir. I wish he'd stuck around a little longer, too."

"No one even informed me of his departure until it was too late to do anything about it."

"Maybe that was the point."

At this suggestion, a thoughtful look crossed his general's face and he ran a hand over his beard. "Yes… Perhaps… Well, I won't keep you any longer. Once you've finished up, tell all the men I've ordered a mandatory leave of absence. And make sure they all get some sort of rest, will you?"

"Gladly, sir," Cody replied with a nod. _Gladly._

As the Jedi faded into the distance, Cody tried Rex's comm again.

Nothing.

Just an endless, piercing ring Cody had come to despise.

_Come on. Come on!_

Nothing.

_Blast!_

And yet, he couldn't do anything; couldn't go to his brother in his time of need.

Because he had duties to attend to first.

_Hang on, Rex…_

_Just hang on…_


	13. Part XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Cody and Rex yet, but have some good ol’ Wolffe instead. ;)

Wolffe hadn't meant eavesdrop, but in his defense, the general _did_ take the call on the bridge.

Surrounded by troopers on all sides who were just as eager to get home as their illustrious general.

"Obi-Wan," General Plo greeted the translucent blue Jedi Master, and Wolffe had to work to keep the warm grin off his face.

He had always admired the way his general greeted everyone as if they were his closest, most dear friends. Except for Separatists, of course, but even then, his tones always held a tint of warmth to them.

"Master Plo," Kenobi returned, though his voice held none of the warmth of the Kel Dor general. In fact, Wolffe might even go so far as to say the man sounded a touch _concerned_. "I hope this isn't a bad time?"

"No time is a bad time, Obi-Wan," the general replied kindly and Kenobi visibly relaxed.

An odd motion, considering what Wolffe knew of this particular general. Kenobi was very reserved, very private, and unlike Skywalker, he didn't wear his emotions on his sleeve.

In fact, Kenobi was the exact _opposite_ of the 501st general, which put him completely out of character at the current moment.

_Just like Rex a few minutes ago…_

"Are you on your way back to Coruscant?" Kenobi inquired, carrying on with the conversation as if it were just him and General Plo in the room. It was the casualness with which the Jedi Generals treated him and his brothers that Wolffe knew he would never truly understand.

They treated the vode like people, like members of their Jedi community, allowing them access to certain conversations and scenes that the Kaminoans would never have allowed them to be privy to—without even a second thought, it seemed.

_Because it's natural to them. They don't actively think about our differences._

_We're all living beings to them—we're all equal._

Warmed even more by these thoughts, Wolffe determined to be respectful. It was the least he could do for his general. Just because they were talking in a busy area didn't mean Wolffe had to listen in.

And for a few moments, the conversation dimmed, morphing into a dull buzz at the back of his head.

_Less than an hour now._ Then, they would be home.

_Home._

Or, as much of a home as Coruscant would ever be to him and his brothers.

_Home is where the general is,_ he realized with a start, glancing at his commanding officer before turning back to the viewscreen. He never got tired of watching the stars fly by. _Home… I suppose we_ _ **are**_ _home, then._

"I've never seen higher casualty rates on a single mission. Plo, it was a _massacre_."

Kenobi's strained tone caught Wolffe's attention before his words could even begin to sink in.

_"I've never seen higher casualty rates…"_

Fully invested while pretending not to be, Wolffe kept his ears tuned to the conversation behind him, which had grown quite hushed and secretive, by the sound of it.

"And General Krell?" Plo questioned, his voice subdued, _pained_.

"Dead," Kenobi replied stiffly. "And for the life of me, I still can't understand how we never sensed it. How could so much deceit and treachery go unnoticed for so long?"

And for a long, suffocating moment, the two Jedi were silent. This was just as well. It gave Wolffe time to assemble all the pieces of the puzzle he'd been given so far.

_Highest casualties._

_General Krell._

_General Kenobi_.

_Cody._

_Cody was with Rex._

_On the same mission._

_Rex…_

_Oh, no._

"Did Krell die by your hands?" General Plo inquired at last, his deep voice piercing the silence.

"As much as I wish he had, no. Krell was already dead by the time my troops reached the airbase. It was a 501st private who did him in, I believe, which was just as well. I'm afraid…" And Kenobi's uncharacteristic, shuddering sigh sent shivers down Wolffe's spine. "I'm afraid I wouldn't have been as merciful. A single blaster bolt to the back of the head was the method of execution employed… which was also just as well."

_Just as well…_

Wolffe felt his fingers clench. _It would've been just as well for that traitor to be found out and disposed of before any of this could've happened._

_Breathe… The Jedi were as much in the dark as everyone else._

_Why?_

_Breathe!_

"And the body?" Plo went on and Wolffe found himself holding his breath despite the mantra running over and over in his head.

"Its being transported to the Temple as we speak."

"I assume the Council will be called into session as soon as possible."

"Well, if you're less than an hour away, perhaps we can wait until you can be present. Physically, I mean."

_"For moral support,"_ came the unspoken words—the ones they were all no doubt thinking.

_Moral support._ And Wolffe knew there wasn't anyone better at giving silent support and reassurance than his general.

"Of course. I'll be there as soon as I can," the general promised, and even as he said it, Wolffe quietly ordered the nearest officer to push their thruster power to the max.

_We'll get you there, General._

The commander clasped his hands tightly together behind his back. _I'm coming, Rex…_

It all made sense now. Well, some of it, at least.

The comm call from his little brother, the brushoff from Cody.

The reason no one seemed to want to tell him anything. All of it.

And oh, how badly he wanted to join that call! To question Kenobi thoroughly—maybe he'd reveal things Rex never would in a million years.

Then again, maybe not… The general sounded pretty disheartened, weary, and strained.

_There's no way he's gonna talk about this any longer than he has to._

"It's just…" Wolffe could almost hear Kenobi shake his head. "I don't know how we… I don't know how _I_ didn't sense it. The Force was so dark on Umbara, darker than the very sky itself."

_Kriff._

"And when I discover what the Chancellor called Anakin back to Coruscant for… Let's just say, it'd better have been an emergency of the greatest proportions."

_Skywalker… Skywalker_ _**left** _ _?_

_Left his troops?_

Wolffe blinked in shock.

That meant…

_That means Rex must've—_

_But no. Tano was there. Wasn't she? She would've been second in command._

_Wouldn't she?_

"I'm only glad Ahsoka was spared all this," Kenobi continued solemnly.

_Of course._

Then it was true: Rex _had_ been the second-in-command under that barve Krell.

_Blast it!_

"I lost nearly an entire platoon to friendly fire," Kenobi said, his voice so soft, Wolffe had to strain to hear. "It just isn't _right_ , Master. It isn't…"

"I know," General Plo replied when Kenobi didn't continue. "I know. None of it is."

_None of it…_

"And no one else…" Kenobi's sigh was one of the most weary Wolffe had ever heard. "You'll no doubt have to listen to all of this again when the Council comes to session, but I… I knew _you_ would understand better than anyone, Master. Well, besides Anakin, but that's a conversation I still have yet to brave."

"You can come to me anytime, Obi-Wan," Plo reminded, his deep voice the essence of fatherly comfort.

And didn't they all need that in times like this? A steadying presence; a loyal friend to turn to.

_Right…_ Wolffe mused, his thoughts drifting again to Rex. The details were still so fuzzy, but he had enough pieces in place to know that things weren't as fine as his brothers had led him to believe. _Vape them!_

"We're now traveling at maximum speed, Commander," the officer from before informed him, returning from his errand at last.

"Good," Wolffe murmured, keeping his voice down as his general and Kenobi finished up their conversation. "Keep it that way until we reach Coruscant."

"Yes, sir," the officer said with a salute before reporting back to the admiral, who didn't look very pleased with having his course speed altered by a simple commander.

_You're not the only one in charge of this ship,_ Wolffe thought as he gave the admiral a nod.

The man nodded back, albeit grudgingly, and a not a moment later, Wolffe heard his general stroll up beside him.

"Did you hear?" he asked, his gentle tone laced with a heavy concern.

And how was Wolffe expected to reply? To say yes would be to openly admit that he'd been eavesdropping. Yet, to reply with a negative would mean having to relive the conversation all over again as his general attempted to fill him in.

In a split second decision, Wolffe felt his head bob. "And the thrusters are at maximum power, sir."

"Good. I can see you're already one step ahead of me, as always."

"I try, sir," Wolffe replied modestly, keeping his gaze fixed on the tunnel of stars ahead.

_Almost… We're almost there…_

But would "almost there" be good enough?

Or would he be too late?

_No. No…_

Wolffe had _never_ been too late and he wasn't about to start now.

_Especially not now, of all times._

"What's our current ETA?"

This time, Wolffe was able to tear his eyes away from the stars long enough to spar his general a glance. "Forty-five minutes and counting, sir."

The silence that settled between them spoke volumes, speaking words that neither clone nor Jedi dared to utter.

_Forty-five minutes is such a long time…_

_And how long is_ _**too** _ _long? How long until we're too late?_

How long, indeed…


	14. Part XIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka answers Rex’s comm and they chill.

He hadn’t said anything, so she hadn’t said anything.

Not yet, anyway.

It had been clear to her from the moment she entered the tiny quarters that now was not the time for words.

So, she didn’t offer any. She simply offered herself, her presence.

After all, that’s all he’d asked for in the first place.

_ No need to rush things. No need to pry… _

Yet, that didn’t stop her heart from hurting everytime she gazed up at his worn face. He wasn’t even trying to disguise his pain, and for that, she was grateful.

After all, weren’t they close enough that there was no need to pretend?

_ I’d always thought so. _

As she dealt the next hand, she forced herself not to probe his emotions with the Force—he’d make it very clear from the start that a mind healer was  _ not _ what he needed.

_ Not like I could ever be a mind healer anyway, _ she mentally scoffed.  _ Not even an amatuer one like Master Obi-Wan. _

But she  _ could _ be a friend, and that seemed to be what Rex needed the most.

A friend.

Someone to sit; someone to listen, even when there were no words.

Someone to simply  _ be _ .

Be by his side, be there for him when he was ready to confide in her.

_ If that moment ever even comes. _

And so, they played. Worn sabacc cards flapping against the durasteel desk mixed with the steady inhale and exhale of Captain and Commander was the only ambiance the room offered. Every-so-often, the cooling system would kick on in an effort to remind them that the room was getting far too warm to be comfortable.

But Ahsoka liked the warmth, having already spent the last few hours being cold to her core as she waited for her betrayed troops to return.

So, every-so-often, when the cooling system made itself known, Rex would quietly stand up, cards still in hand, and manually turn it off again.

Because there was no room for words in that half hour the two friends spent together; no room for voice commands that would disrupt the soothing atmosphere they’d somehow been able to create.

Even after everything.

Even after a tragedy like Umbara.

And Ahsoka was content because Rex seemed content, at least for the time being.

It was only when she noticed her captain shuffling the cards for an unnecessary length of time that her concern began to bubble over again.

“Rex?” She whispered, studying his face as he studied the dancing cards.

But he just shook his head, still silent as the grave— _ or graves… _ —and dealt their next hand.

In thirty minutes, Ahsoka had learned how to use sabacc cards for three different kinds of games.

In thirty minutes, she watched Rex calm down from a state of silent panic to a dull, weary state of being.

In thirty minutes, Ahsoka still hadn’t figured out how to convince her brother to get some sleep.

And for thirty minutes, Ahsoka projected waves of warmth and reassurance through the Force, hoping one of them might reach him—hoping the tight lines on his face might finally smooth out.

It was thirty minutes after she’d first arrived in the darkened room that she heard the outside panel activate and the door slide open, bathing her and Rex in a wash of white light.

“Commander Tano,” Cody greeted, as per protocol, reminding Ahsoka that she was still a Jedi among clones, not a sister among brothers.

_ No, that’s not true. It’s not… _

But sometimes it felt like it. When she was around troopers she didn’t know well, she felt the distance between them quite keenly.

_ I know Cody, though. Don’t I? _

Did she? Sometimes she wasn’t sure. The commander was very much like Master Obi-Wan, aloof and very private, which made it harder to get past his outer shell.

This also meant her first reaction was to stand, because he was standing—almost a bit awkwardly, if Cody could ever be described as awkward.

“Cody,” she breathed, nodding at his sudden arrival. What did this mean for her and Rex?

Should she stay or go? Remain for moral support— _ moral support? _ —or give them space?

Behind her, Rex rose from his seat, cards still in hand. And for a second, she could almost pretend he was just going to turn the cooling system off again. But when he came to stand alongside her, she knew in her heart it was time to leave.

_ He still needs you. Of course he does, _ she reassured herself.  _ But right now, he needs Cody more. _

_ You’ve done all you can for the moment. _

With a half turn, she studied her brother one more time. “Rex?”

And for her, he managed a small smile. “Thank you, Commander. I’ll be all right.”

_ Commander… _ Because Cody was here.  _ Right. _

She nodded. “Anytime.”

“Thank you.”

“I mean it, anytime.”

He nodded this time.

_ My cue to leave. _

And oh, how hard it was to leave!

Yet, she did. She wasn’t that selfish, not by any means.

He needed to be with his brother, and so he would be.

Without her.

And that was okay. Because he’d called her. He’d called  _ her _ .

When he’d had no one else, she was the one he ran to.

And didn’t that just make her feel a little bit warmer inside?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, I know, but I’m posting again tomorrow since this one was so short. ;)


	15. Part XV

He’d wanted Cody so badly— _needed_ Cody so badly.

That had been over half an hour ago.

Now that Cody was here, Rex didn’t know what to say. Ahsoka hadn’t expected him to say _anything_.

Cody on the other hand… Cody would need something more than a few nods and a long string of silence.

Rex relished the familiar feel of the cards shuffling through his fingers as he avoided the concerned gaze of his ori’vod.

“Wolffe called me.” It was a poor attempt at starting a conversation, but Rex knew it was the best Cody could do.

 _At least he’s actually_ **_trying_ ** _his best._

Rex kept his eyes on the flapping cards. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Cody mimicked, shifting in his seat and leaning in closer to Rex over the desk. “He mentioned something about you mixing up our numbers again.”

“In my defense, they’re almost exactly the same.”

Cody hummed in agreement. “So… You were trying to call me?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

Rex shrugged, cutting the deck, then sifting the cards through his fingers once more. “I was just wondering what you were doing.”

“Uh huh. No other reason?”

“Should there be?”

“Actually, we’re at the point where I’d be concerned if there _wasn’t_ a reason.”

Rex held up the thoroughly shuffled deck. “Sabacc?”

The look Cody shot at him was the essence of unamused shock.

“Rex, this is serious! Look, we need to talk about—”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Rex snapped, and the words instantly filled him with guilt and regret.

Of _course_ there were things to talk about. Many, many things, and yet…

_And yet I don’t even know how to begin._

_Kriff it!_

Every time he thought of something to say, some small memory to get off his chest, the words caught in his throat and he was sure he’d suffocate on them.

“You got Wolffe worried, did you know that?”

“I suspected.”

“Yeah, because _he_ suspects. You can’t keep everyone off your scent forever. There are some things you have to talk about if you want to heal from this.”

“What do you want me to say?” And for the life of him, he couldn’t keep his voice calm.

He hated snapping at Cody, but just the thought of talking about the memories brought them to the surface of his mind, eating away at his illusion of peace.

_When did I ever have peace?_

“Anything! Just… _anything._ I just want you to _talk_ to me.”

“We _are_ talking.”

A groan tore from Cody’s lips. “Why are you so impossible? Sure, we’re talking, but we haven’t _said_ anything yet. Nothing important, anyway.” Then, the commander sighed. “Look, I understand that there are certain things you might not want to relive, but you need to show me how to help you. Or,"—And Rex wasn’t sure he quite liked the look on his vod’s face—"I can just go ask Fives. Maybe Kix could even shed some light on the situation.”

Rex felt the cards bend beneath the crushing weight of his fingers. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, like you’re about to shatter into a million pieces.”

“I’m _not_ gonna shatter into a million pieces!” Rex snapped again, then averted his eyes. “I just… need some time, okay?”

“Okay. Yeah, I get that, Rex. But how much time is _too_ much time to bear this burden alone?”

 _I don’t know_. Rex kept his gaze fixed on the desk, fiddling with the cards once more.

“I won’t get my information from Kix,” Cody whispered at last. “I won’t do that to you. But, vod’ika, you need to show me how to help you. It’s killing me to see you like this.”

“I’ll be all right,” Rex said, his reassurance sounding false even to _his_ ears. “I always am.”

“When’s the last time you served under someone like Krell?”

“I don’t know.” Rex offered a small shrug. “I’m sure I met a trainer like him back at the academy, or a Kaminoan or two.”

“Yeah, but they weren’t _Jedi_.”

And Rex couldn’t suppress the shiver in time.

The I-told-you-so expression on Cody’s face was almost unbearable, but Rex supposed he deserved it.

Because _everyone_ had told him so, and he’d still been blinded by Krell.

 _No, not blinded,_ he realized with a hitch, _forced. Coerced and threatened._

And he hadn’t even been able to protect his brothers in the end. _When it mattered._

“Rex, I just—”

His comlink chose that moment to chime. Saved by the bell, so to speak.

“Captain Rex, here,” he began, prepared for whoever might be on the other end.

_"I thought you were gonna join us in the mess like thirty minutes ago?"_

_Jesse._

_"Yeah, where are you, Captain?"_

_Fives._

_Right._

With a glance at Cody, Rex cleared his throat and said, “You guys didn’t have to wait for me.”

 _"Well, it’s a little late for that,"_ Jesse replied, a hint of dry humor to his voice. _"Look, the food’s actually really good today…"_

And enticing as that sounded, the mere mention of food churned his stomach. But maybe that was because he was hungry.

 _Or disgusted._ By the memories…

_The memories…_

It was only when Rex went to flex his fingers that he realized Cody had taken his cards at some point.

Glancing up again, Rex eyed his brother, who simply nodded his head towards the door, a silent prompt to join Fives and Jesse.

_But I can’t._

_Why?_

Why, indeed.

“I wish I could,” Rex began, never taking his eyes off his brother, “but I have—”

“It’s either them,” Cody whispered, his tone both gentle and firm, “or me.”

 _And if you stay here under false pretenses,_ his eyes seemed to continue, _you can bet we’re gonna be talking._

Rex nodded, clearing his throat once more.

“Uh, on second thought, save me a seat, will you?”

 _"Vod,"_ Jesse said, his voice smiling, _"you’ve had a seat here for the last half hour. You think we’re gonna let it go now?"_

“I’ll be there in five.” With that promise, Rex closed the channel. “There. Happy?”

“I’ll be happy when you’re happy, vod’ika.”

“I _am_ happy, just not right now. Besides,” Rex went on as he stood, head aching slightly at the sudden motion, “don’t pin all your happiness on me, vod.”

He left before Cody could form a reply. It was probably best if he didn’t hear it anyway. He knew what his brother would say, and he wasn’t sure he could handle it.

Because sometimes, Cody cared a bit _too_ much.

 _At least he_ **_does_ ** _care…_ Rex had known so many people throughout his short life who didn’t.

And Umbara had added just one more person to that list. One more monster.

_Breathe… Breathe._

If he could only get his act together, find a way to bury the memories, he’d be fine. Good as new, even.

Yet, when he stepped into the mess and caught sight of Fives, his mind instantly brought him back to that first terrifying moment with Krell.

Maybe it was just the way the overhead lights cast a strange glow on his brothers, but Rex could’ve sworn he saw Krell’s saber inch closer to Fives’ neck. Closer. _Closer…_

And then it was gone. With a simple blink, the vision vanished, and with it, the memories.

Because they were fine. _We’re safe now._

Krell was gone and there was no need to protect his brothers from that monster anymore.

Rex sucked in a breath before taking another step forward, slowly making his way through the busy mess hall.

_There will always be a reason to protect my vode._

He plastered a grin on his face as Jesse and Fives moved over, making room for their captain.

 _There will_ **_always_ ** _be monsters to fight._

_The trick is learning how to cope after each one._

It was a trick Rex found he still had yet to learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested in more Let It Be Me content, I have a playlist on Spotify with all the chapter and character themes for this fic. My username is Olivia Ruprecht and my avatar is a picture of Padme. However, I believe the playlist will show up if you search Captain Rex || Let It Be Me. ;) Happy listening!


	16. Part XVI

The report met all Anakin's expectations and exceeded none of them.

Impersonal.

Matter-of-fact.

Brief.

To the point.

_Kriff._

This many men wounded in a single battle; that many men KIA.

A few men MIA.

Losses here, losses there.

Weapons destroyed, supplies lost.

_"Enemy weapons destroyed on Central Umbaran Airbase. See attached report signed and filed by General Pong Krell."_

_"Fifteen enemy prisoners captured and imprisoned. See attached report signed and filed by General Pong Krell."_

Anakin gripped the datapad tightered, willing his metal hand to snap it in half.

_"Troopers CT-5597 and ARC CT-5555 arrested; date set for court martial. See attached report signed and filed by General Pong Krell."_

_"501st and 212th Troopers KIA under friendly fire. Total casualties unknown. See attached report signed and filed by CT-7567 'Captain Rex.'"_

_"General Pong Krell charged with treason and executed by Private Dogma of Torrent Company. See attached report signed and filed by CT-7567 'Captain Rex.'"_

Anakin released the breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding and his lungs practically sighed in relief.

_How dare he…_

_How_ _**dare** _ _he?_

If Krell wasn't already dead, Anakin would've killed the monster himself.

But Dogma had. He recalled with only the slightest bit of haze the young, tightly wound private he'd met just before the Chancellor had pulled him out of the action.

It was the thought of the brother with the V-shaped tattoo that kept Anakin's feet moving down the hall of Headquarters when his body wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and mourn all he'd lost. Every soldier; every brother. All the men who'd so willingly—so _bravely_ —given their lives to that beast of a Jedi, only to die so needlessly.

And after thoroughly reading the report and all its attached files, Anakin had no doubt that most of the casualties that occured on Umbara had been unnecessary.

_How dare he…_

Well, if he couldn't kill the Besalisk himself, he could at least talk to the man who had. The _hero_ , more like.

He'd instructed all his men to get some well-deserved rest, and after checking in the rec room, the barracks, and the gym, Anakin had only one place left to look for that brave young private.

The mess hall was almost always busy, even when his troops were deployed, but when he stepped through the swinging doors, Anakin was met with a dull silence.

A few troopers milled about the food bar, and every other table or so housed a handful of weary soldiers who either picked at or devoured their meals.

And then there was Rex, sitting at a table situated in the back corner along with Fives and Jesse.

Yet there was no sign of Dogma.

_Blast._

A strange sort of hesitation overtook him in that moment and he wasn't sure he should approach any of his men. Because what would he say?

_Sorry about Umbara. Hope I can make it up to you someday._

_Yeah, right._

With the sickening realization that there was nothing he could say that would ever truly make amends for the hell he'd unknowingly thrust his men into, Anakin approached the nearest occupied table.

"General!" The three dining troopers straightened and began rising to attention, but Anakin waved a dismissive hand.

"None of that, boys, you're on leave." To say their reaction had jarred him would be an understatement. Since when did Torrent Company stand at attention when they were so obviously on break?

Despite his initial misgivings, Anakin pressed on, gesturing lightly at the open seat. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all, General," one of them said, and even went so far as to scoot over.

"Thanks," Anakin replied with a smile before settling in among his troops.

They all looked so worn, and yet, Anakin could tell they were trying to hide any fatigue they might be battling at the moment.

_How dare he…?_ His metal hand tightened around the datapad again and he could've sworn he felt it crack.

"The mess is quiet today," Anakin observed, not really sure how to start the conversation he knew he needed to have with each and every one of his soldiers.

"Eh," Checkers began, "everyone else finished a while ago."

"We were just taking our time, I guess," another sergeant called Veer added with a shrug. "Got caught up in conversation."

"Oh, well, don't let me interrupt you," Anakin said, continuing on before any of them could protest, "I just wanted to stop and ask how you all were holding up."

Checkers shot a look too quick for Anakin to decipher at his brothers. "Uh, sir?"

"Look, guys, I think now more than ever is the time for us all to be honest with each other. Open. Now, I'm not gonna force you to talk about anything you don't want to, but I _do_ want you to know that I'm here for you. And that I care very deeply about how you all are feeling. Kriff the Jedi Code." This brought forth a few mild chuckles and Anakin forced his lips into a reassuring smile. "It's perfectly fine not to be _fine_ , you know."

It was Checkers, the obvious leader of the group, who sighed first. "It's all right, sir. We've been through worse."

"Have you?" _Have you really?_

Veer shrugged. "We'll be fine, sir." Then, his own lips turned up as well. "Depending on how long this leave you're talking about is gonna last."

"Hey, for as long as I can pacify the guys at the top," Anakin promised with a wink. "And I happen to be really good friends with one of the most understanding Council members, so I think we're good for the time being."

The soldiers visibly relaxed, yet Anakin still didn't feel like he'd done his part in reassuring them that they were safe.

_Because they're_ _**not** _ _. Not yet, anyway. no one's safe until this kriffing war is over._

"Well,"—And Anakin tried to make his tone as meaningful as he could—"keep in mind that I'm always here. Seriously, just comm me whenever you need me. And I mean that."

They nodded gratefully as he stood. "Thanks, General."

"Yeah, that…" The quiet trooper, who up until that point hadn't spoken a word, swallowed hard. "That means more than you know, sir."

Anakin hoped his smile didn't look as sad as it felt. "Enjoy yourself, boys. And get some rest."

A small chorus of _yessir_ s followed him as he ventured over to the next occupied table.

Checkmate, Trist, Sonders, and Domino gave him the same reaction as the last three troopers.

Despite his reassuring smile, Anakin's insides were flaming.

Because how _dare_ he…?

"At ease, guys. Mind if I join you for a minute?"

* * *

It was just small talk, every word of it.

But Fives wouldn't have traded it for all the deep conversations in the world. Because it felt normal, it felt _fine._

Even though he knew they all were most certainly _not_ fine.

Especially their captain.

Jesse heaved a sigh and took another drink of his caf. Normally, Fives would warn him about drinking caffeine so late in the day, but at that moment, it didn't seem to matter very much.

"I told him," his brother went on, finishing whatever previous thought he'd had—honestly, the conversation was beginning to be lost on Fives—"he can do whatever the kriff he wants as long as it doesn't affect _me_."

Fives watched as Rex nodded, obviously the most interested in Jesse's complaints of the group.

"Did you really tell him that?" the captain asked, picking a bit at his food. "Or did you just think it?"

"Why would I just _think_ it?"

"Remember last time?"

Jesse glanced down at his caf. "Oh. Right."

"Yeah."

With a chuckle, Fives rolled his eyes.

And they landed right back on the general. _What is he even doing?_

For the last five minutes, he'd watched Anakin travel from table to table just, it seemed, to talk to brothers.

_Why?_

If anything, Fives thought his general would've been catching up with Kenobi on whatever sort of debrief the Jedi Master was giving the Council.

_Why is he here?_

Not that Fives minded. In fact, he waited half in anticipation and half in dread for Anakin to make his way to their table.

Anticipation because he hadn't seen or spoken with the man since that first day with Krell. Fives suppressed a shiver and tried to feign interest in the conversation.

And dread because he wasn't sure how his captain was going to react. _What if he wants to talk about Umbara?_

_What if he_ _**makes** _ _us talk about it…?_

_No._ No, Anakin wouldn't do that to them. _Would he?_

With Rex and Jesse's backs turned to the rest of the room, it was easy for Fives to pretend to be involved while keeping an eye on his general.

_Closer… Closer…_

_Come on, come on…_

_Go away, go away…_

"Fives!" Jesse's fingers were snapping loud and hard inches from his eyes before Fives could even wrap his head around the fact that the talking had suddenly stopped.

"Yeah?"

Jesse stared at him, his amber gaze ever studious. "We asked you a question."

"You _both_ asked me a question?" Fives gave them his best unamused look. "At the same time?"

Jesse sighed again. "Fine, Rex did."

"I did _not_."

"Look, the point is, we were talking to you and you just spaced out."

And when he met Rex's eyes, they held the faintest trace of concern. "Are you all right, Fives?"

"What? Yeah, of course I am. _Really_ , vod," he added when Rex didn't appear to be convinced.

"All right." But it was clear that he still didn't believe it. "What do you keep looking at anyway…"

Rex trailed off as he turned his head and Fives found himself holding his breath, though he couldn't quite explain why.

_Go away, go_ _**away** _ _…_

_Come on… Come_ _**on** _ _…_

It was all so conflicting, and Fives was sick and tired of battling thought after painful thought.

Ever since Krell first stepped onto the playing field, his mind had been in turmoil. In a relentless fight against itself and everything he knew to be true. Everything he knew to be _right_ , in the purest sense of the word.

And Krell had been none of those things. Yet, they'd been forced to follow him, to obey his orders because that was _right._

_Yeah…_ Fives silently scoffed as Rex turned back around. _Right._

"How long has he been here?"

Fives shrugged at his captain's question. "Five… Six minutes? He's just been going from table to table talking to the vode." Fives shrugged once more. "I can't tell what they're saying, though."

The veil that fell over his brother's eyes told Fives his captain was settling into a deep—and most likely troubling—thought process.

"I wonder if he's here about the debriefing."

"I'm sure there's plenty of time for that later on," Jesse offered, but his gentle words didn't seem to soothe Rex at all. "Maybe he's just checkin in on everyone?"

Rex risked another quick glance behind him. "Maybe…"

"Look," Fives began, placing what he thought would be a comforting hand on Rex's arm. He was quite surprised when he felt his brother stiffen against his touch, though in all honesty, he supposed he shouldn't have been. "I'm sure whatever it is, we'll find out soon enough. Jesse's right, he's probably just checking in. He hasn't seen us or been in touch with any of us for awhile."

It was with a small pang that Fives realized that Umbara was the longest stretch of time the 501st had ever been separated from their general.

_Stang._

Turning his attention back to Rex, who was clearly trying to keep himself from repeatedly glancing back at Anakin, Fives studied his captain. He could almost see the gears grinding inside his head, no doubt planning several answers and conversational points in advance.

_Just to keep the topic away from Umbara…_

"And what if it _is_ about the debriefing?" Rex pressed, tone completely neutral.

"Then you'll go to the debriefing, I guess," Jesse replied, chugging down the rest of his caf.

Rex bit out a dry chuckle. "Easier said than done."

And no, they weren't at the point of talking about Umbara yet, not by a longshot. Fives even sensed a bit of lingering tension between him and his captain, but he knew when to talk and when to keep his big mouth shut.

Most of the time.

And while they might be conversing—talking and laughing like old times—Umbara was definitely a subject for a later date.

"Well," Jesse began with a lopsided nod, "I don't think you'll have to wait very long to find out. Here he comes."

The way Rex tensed his body gave Fives momentary pause. Besides this, though he seemed casual enough on the outside, Rex's eyes were his greatest betrayers. The whispered of a secret that threatened to be released with the arrival of the general.

A small box of secrets with contents that Fives' forced himself _not_ to even begin to guess. Because he already had a small idea.

They weren't on Umbara anymore, no, and yet Rex still stiffened at the mere sight of General Skywalker as if…

_As if Anakin was Krell._

And not for the first time since their unceremonious return, Fives found himself wondering exactly _what_ had happened on Umbara.

What had happened behind closed doors the Fives hadn't been privy to?

_And what is he not telling me?_

_Come on, Rex, what are you not telling me?_

_You always used to be able to tell me…_


End file.
